Hope! Change! Job Losses!

Fuck you, liberals. Look at what you have done.

Fuck You, Obamacare Supporters!

Fuck you, Joseph Cao.

If You Plan On Transporting Nuclear Weapons

You might not want this to happen.

The Air Force blamed “driver and safety observer error” for the July 31 incident. The truck carrying the booster for the unarmed Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile tipped over on a gravel road while being transported from the Minot Air Force Base to a launch facility 70 miles southwest. Two airmen were in the truck, which was accompanied by a security convoy.

“There were no injuries and the accident posed no danger to the public,” the Air Force said in a statement.

The rocket booster and truck remained at the side of the road until Aug. 10, while investigators assessed the crash site.

Air Force spokeswoman Maj. Laurie A. Arellano said the recovery cost of $5.6 million included damage to the truck and its cargo.

“Inadequate gravel road training programs and the inability of 91st Missile Wing engineering personnel to accurately determine the safe load-bearing width of gravel roads along designated routes also contributed to the accident,” the Air Force statement said.

The Air Force said the booster rocket is 66 feet long and weighs 75,000 pounds while the vehicle, trailer and rocket booster weighed more than 70 tons.

“While preparing to make a left turn, the driver and safety observer maneuvered the loaded tractor-trailer beyond the right edge of the reinforced gravel roadway and shoulder,” the Air Force statement said.

“Basically, the procedure for large trucks is that they’re supposed to drive in the middle of the gravel road,” Arellano said.

If You Want To KNow What That Tech Support Guy Is Doing

How about stealing landline usage to access phone sex companies?

Joseph Vaccarelli, 45, of Nutley, made approximately 5,000 calls, resulting in 45,000 minutes of call time, Bergen County Prosecutor John L. Molinelli said in a news release.

Vaccarelli placed the calls in about 30 municipalities in Bergen County, according to the release.

Verizon estimated that out of a 40-week period, Vaccarelli spent 15 weeks talking on 900 chat lines, authorities alleged.

Feel Safe Flying?

Maybe after this deal, not so much.

A homeless man managed to sneak onto a plane on Wednesday morning.

The man slipped past security guards at a perimeter check point while guards were inspecting a vehicle.

He was found sleeping on a regional jet that was being worked on.

I Feel Like Surfing With Sharks!

If You Use An Earpiece With Your Cell Phone

Stay away from this guy.

At one point, she actually took a call. She sat there at the table, completely ignoring her friend, and had a conversation through her flashing earpiece thing. Again, this should not have bothered me. I was not the one being ignored. Heck, I didn’t even know this woman. But I couldn’t help thinking that if someone had done that to me, I’d have pretended that I had to go make a call of my own, then I’d have run to my car and left the self-absorbed skank with the check.

OK, I really wouldn’t have done that. I’m far too much of a weenie. But I would have thought about it. Yeah, that’s right. I would have actually considered it. That’s how I roll.

I see earpieces everywhere these days. I went to a Chris Rock concert a few weeks ago, and a dude in the row in front of me wore his earpiece through the entire show. What’s the guy going to do, take a call right in the middle of a joke? If he did, I didn’t see him do it. I still had to put up with that stupid blinking blue light every fifteen seconds. I wouldn’t have noticed it, but they darkened the theater when the show started. In a dark theater, those flashing blue lights are like pleasantly colored lasers of hate.

The other day at the grocery store, I found myself in an aisle with two people wearing earpieces. Both of them were having conversations. There they were, inspecting the labels on canned goods, and talking into their earpieces. For a confusing moment, I thought one of them was talking to me, because he said “hey, buddy.” It took me a couple seconds to realize he had an earpiece on and was talking to it, not me. Then the guy gave me kind of a “mind your own business” look. Nice.

Don’t get me wrong. I think earpieces can be useful. I recently got one to use in my car, and I like it a lot. I can talk and keep both hands on the steering wheel. This is a good thing. When I get out of my car, however, I leave my earpiece behind. If I’m not driving, I usually am able to muster enough manual dexterity to actually hold a cell phone in my hand. I’m fairly certain this ability does not make me special.

If You Want To Build Your Own Tank

This youngster has you beat.

If You Want To Use THE TASER On A Cow

Just don’t. Ok? Just don’t.

Lt. David Mitchell’s suspension will begin March 17, said Rogers Police Chief Steve Helms.

The department began an internal investigation into the matter last month after an animal-rights organization complained to the Police Department and city administration that Mitchell showed several colleagues a video of himself and another man firing the stun gun at a cow.

A report detailing the investigation released today stated the incident happened during the first half of June 2006 on property Mitchell owns and involved cows owned by his family.

The report says the first cow was not hit, and in fact, the device malfunctioned and shocked Mitchell and the other man, who is not a member of the Police Department.

The second attempt did strike the cow, but appeared to have no effect, the report said.

And the idiot taped it as well.

Thai Monks Love The Internet

So much so, they have been using it to woo women.

A senior Culture Ministry official said monks should not be banned from the cyberspace, but should turn this “crisis” into “opportunity” by bringing Buddha’s teaching to the young.

“Instead of using the Net to flirt with young girls, monks should find ways to preach Dharma and lead them in the right direction,” said Ladda Thangsupachai, head of the Cultural Surveillance Centre.

I wonder how the largest Buddhist I know feels:

Steven Seagal Is: Hungry for Panda!