Fuck Civility!

Really?

Well, fuck civility. First chair fuck it from the woodwind section in the middle of a command performance of Toccata and Fuck. Fuck those who try to tell us, after years of slander, beatings, lies, and false accusations from the left, we need to fucking be nice now that they have lost. Fuck the belief that being nice while the other side refuses to hold back will work. And lawnfuck on a frozen day with a snow shovel anybody who dares lecture us about civility after the shit thrown at us for years by those now begging us to play nice.

You know who fucking wants to be civil? Fucking losers, that’s who. Those weak willed, goatsegramming, assjiggling, snails up their widened asses, that’s who. Those people who blanche at the sight of people demanding their voices be heard, that’s who. And those fuckfurters with relish who want to tell us everything will be all fucky-dory, so long as we fucking let them tell us how to act and live. And these are the people who wind up sliding us into statism, so fuck them forever with used toilet paper after I had a batch of macho Nachos.

When I read about the desires of many on the left to have us become a regulated, state-run society, I look in on the two most precious things I know as they sleep. One of those is the daughter of mine who is a gift from above and made in the image of all that is perfect, who has the potential to shape history, so long as she has the opportunity to do so, and is what G-d above meant when he was pleased with his handiwork. The other is the one I abandoned all others for, the one for whom I still crave every night as if it were two nights before our wedding (heh!), who I promised to always be my happily ever after, and who bore my children who died before birth, who live, and who are yet to come. As I watch over them, do you flaccid fuckmuscles stuck in the fuckzipper of fuckheadedness really believe I will accommodate and yield anything to those who wish to harm them? Well, rockfuck you with an algae fucked fucktwig if you think so.

No, I will not yield to those who seek to destroy those I value more than my life itself. I will not yield an inch to those who wish to control and regulate my family’s life. I will not yield an inch to those who wish death upon me for my views. I will not yield until they are driven from the plains forever. And “civility” to those who wish to destroy everything around me is merely the first step. So fuck your false calls for civility. Fuck your sham moderation. Fuck your calls for me to be anything less than vigilant against your schemes. And amoebafuck you until you dehydrate for trying to push this shit upon us.

Hope! Change! Job Losses!

Fuck you, liberals. Look at what you have done.

I Feel Like Skydiving!

Eh, maybe not.

Huh? What The Hell Is This?

If You Weren’t Afraid Of Underwater Life Before

This may change your mind.

If You Plan On Swimming With Sharks

Expect bad things to happen to you.

Mr Cloke, of Bristol, clashed with the beast early this morning.

He is in Australia for three weeks with his wife Fiona who was watching from the other side of the glass.

He said: “I was in there for five minutes when I felt this almighty wallop on the top of my head.

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“I had no idea what had happened and it all happened quite suddenly. There was no indication at all it was coming before it happened.

“There was quite a lot of blood around at first. Then I realised what had happened and it was just a bit of a love bite really.”

If You Want To Go To A Spa That Uses Snakes

Just go to Israel.

Courtesy Getty Images

Miss Barak believes that physical contact with the reptiles can be a relaxing experience. She says that she was inspired by her belief that once people get over any initial misgivings, they find physical contact with the snakes to be stress relieving.

“Some people said that holding the snakes made them feel better, relaxed,” she said “One old lady said it was soothing, like a cold compress.”

The size of the snakes depends on the type of massage – the larger ones are said to alleviate deeper muscle tensions and the smaller ones create a ‘fluttering’ effect. All are the snakes used are non-venemous.

Miss Barak began offering the service at the Talmey El’Azar tourist attraction in 2006 and now most of her income comes from exhibiting plants at her carnivorous plant farm, which eat everything from insects to small mammals.

Uh-oh! The Cowboys And Yankees Have Teamed Up!

Is this the end times? The Dallas Cowboys and New York Yankees have joined in a business venture

Courtesy Business Wire

Legends will manage regular concessions, suite catering and team stores at the new Yankees and Cowboys stadiums, which are set to open next year at a cost of more than $1 billion each. Legends also will pursue accounts in the major leagues, college sports and abroad, the sources said.

The first-of-its-kind initiative between two of pro sports’ star teams is the idea of Gerry Cardinale, the Goldman managing director who helped create the Yankees’ regional sports channel, the YES Network, and brokered the return of Alex Rodriguez to the team last year.

If You Plan On Videotaping A Snake

Expect this to happen.

If You Are Wondering Why Kellen Winslow Isn’t Playing Today

Here is why.

A league source tells us that the talk among the Browns is that tight end Kellen Winslow landed in the Cleveland Clinic because his balls swelled to the size of grapefruits.

(We think that technical term is testiculus coconutus.)

Actually, one explanation for the situation is a condition known as hyrdocele. And while the condition in itself isn’t serious, it could be a symptom of testicular cancer.