Uh-oh! The Cowboys And Yankees Have Teamed Up!

Is this the end times? The Dallas Cowboys and New York Yankees have joined in a business venture

Courtesy Business Wire

Legends will manage regular concessions, suite catering and team stores at the new Yankees and Cowboys stadiums, which are set to open next year at a cost of more than $1 billion each. Legends also will pursue accounts in the major leagues, college sports and abroad, the sources said.

The first-of-its-kind initiative between two of pro sports’ star teams is the idea of Gerry Cardinale, the Goldman managing director who helped create the Yankees’ regional sports channel, the YES Network, and brokered the return of Alex Rodriguez to the team last year.

Parakeet Vs. English Windmill: Who Ya Got?

Sadly, the parakeets may be winning.

He added: ‘We wave our arms and shout at them but the parakeets are just too high up and they carry on gnawing and chipping away at the wood. They’re pests and are destroying our glorious windmill.

‘It is getting towards a point when the windmill may be deemed a danger to the public.’

In July, parakeets caused £10,000 of damage to the spire at the 1836 St John’s Church in Croydon.

A church spokesman said at the time: ‘They love the shingles and have pulled out at least 100 of them. Maybe they’re looking for insects. Now we’re at a complete loss.’

George Kissell, 1920-2008

RIP.

He turned a pitcher named Ken Boyer into a third baseman who went on to win an MVP award. Kissell taught Andy Van Slyke to play the outfield and John Mabry to play the infield, and he shepherded Joe Torre in his shift from catcher to third base. He once told a young Anthony “Tony” La Russa that he was better suited to be a major-league manager than a major-league player. In 1989, Kissell was featured in a Sports Illustrated article titled “The College of Cardinals.” He was described as the dean.

Hall of Fame manager Sparky Anderson, a protégé of Kissell’s, once described Kissell as “the greatest baseball fundamentalist I have ever known.”

He also described him as the “smartest man in baseball.”

If You Hate Seeing Beer Wasted

Then stay away from this young lad.

The now 15-year-old allegedly broke into the LTU Arena with a friend and opened three taps in the VIP seating area in October 2006, when he was just 13-years-old.

Some 1,400 litres of pilsner soaked through several layers of the stadium and through a conference room until it reached the parking garage, causing extensive damage, LTU Arena spokesperson Rainer Schüler told The Local on Monday.

“The stench was overwhelming and it took a year before we were able to use the conference room again,” Schüler said, adding that the boys were easily found thanks to clear images on surveillance videos.

Only one of the boys faces charges of property damage and breaking and entering, because his friend was not yet of the age of criminal responsibility when the crime occurred.

If You Think Your Sheriff Is A Creep

This town in Florida has you beat.

“Investigator Francis G. Monaco met with several witnesses over the past months in regards to two incidents involving Sheriff Dean Kelly and deputies from Putnam County, Florida. The date of each incident has been established to have occurred between December 2006 and January 2007.

“These incidents both involve large gatherings of young adults and juveniles.

“The brief description of the two incidents is as follows:

“The first incident involved a birthday party taking place at an area known as Long Pond in rural Putnam County. Between the hours of 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. Sheriff Dean Kelly and deputies arrived. According to the witnesses, the participants started leaving the area and witnesses reported that Sheriff Dean Kelly shot the keg of beer.

“The second incident reported was another party held and again Sheriff Kelly and deputies arrived and ordered the crowd to disperse; at which time coolers and lawn chairs were thrown into the bonfire by Sheriff Kelly.

“At this incident, a subject was told to leave the area and went to his friend’s residence on private property at which time Sheriff Kelly ordered him to leave the property. The subject would not leave as he was waiting for his friend to arrive and had permission to be on the property. An altercation occurred and the subject was handcuffed by the Sheriff. The Sheriff then decided to release the subject but had no handcuff key and another deputy had to be summoned to the scene with a key.

“Investigator Francis Monaco, at each meeting with the persons interviewed, has been told that there are many other witnesses but they are alleged too afraid to come forward allegedly fearing retaliation. At each meeting these witnesses have advised that they have friends who will come forward to give statements, but only four have done so.

“The (Palatka) Daily News ran a story several weeks ago about the keg shooting incident at which time some anonymous calls were received by this Investigator.

“Only bits and pieces of information were gathered but addition names were provided. Investigator Francis Monaco has been able to determine two other deputies were present at the keg shooting and the deputy who drove Sheriff Kelly to the pond area stated that Sheriff Kelly did not fire any firearm, but the deputy shot at the keg with two firearms.

“It is undetermined as to the actual keg which was shot due to conflicting witness statements.

“Additional witnesses need to be interviewed as names have been provided over the past three weeks through calls made to the State Attorney’s Office.

“Case investigation pending.”

If You Jump Into A Police Officer’s Car

Expect jail time to follow.

About 3 a.m. Friday, Senior Deputy Jerry Wollenschlaeger came upon a black Jeep Cherokee parked near Hawthorne Avenue SE and State Street.

A man identified as Evan David Thomas Adams, 19, of West Salem was walking away from the Jeep. Thinking the man was having car trouble, Wollenschlaeger pulled up alongside him and rolled down the patrol car’s passenger window to ask him what was wrong.

“He seemed like a nice guy, and the next thing you know, he’s jumping into the patrol car,” Wollenschlaeger said.

The man lunged across toward Wollenschlaeger, who unfastened his seat belt, opened his driver’s side door and pinned the man down.

Wollenschlaeger said the two shared a short conversation that went something like this:

“What’s the matter with you?”

“I’m high on mushrooms, dude.”

The man continued to struggle, and the fight spilled out of the vehicle and into the southbound lanes of Hawthorne Avenue. Meanwhile, Wollenschlaeger’s police dog, Yo, remained enclosed in the backseat.

While still holding on to the man, Wollenschlaeger reached for his radio-operated door opener to let out Yo and gave orders to bite the man.

Salem police Cpl. Don Parise arrived to help, and the man was placed in handcuffs.

Adams was arrested on charges of assaulting a police officer, interfering with a police animal, second-degree criminal mischief, driving under the influence of intoxicants and unlawful entry into a motor vehicle, said Undersheriff Jason Myers, a sheriff’s spokesman.

If You Want To See Animal Hoarding In Action

Just come to rural Missouri.

The owner of the property was charged with child endangerment because six children, ages 1 to 11, also had been living in what authorities described as an unbelievable scene: 12 to 15 house trailers stacked to the ceilings with junk, trash and debris, crawling with cockroaches. The only water source was a bunch of garden hoses strung together.

Ok. But how about the animals?

The 363 animals include more than 70 dogs and more than three dozen cats, plus donkeys, rabbits, ducks, chickens, and exotic fish. The Humane Society of Missouri and Polk County also found 12 to 15 dead rabbits, dogs, cats, and poultry.

Authorities descended upon the property with warrants after the family who owns the land failed to heed warnings last month to begin providing proper care, said Tim Rickey, the Humane Society’s director of rescues and investigations.

In the days since those warnings, many of the animals had been released from their cages, prompting neighbors to complain. Authorities took a closer look and found that children also were on the 80-acre rural property near Pleasant Hope in southwest Missouri. Child-welfare workers removed the children were about a week ago, Bruce said.

Property owner Virginia Gambriel, 61, was arrested and charged Tuesday with two counts of felony child endangerment over living conditions Bruce described as the worst he’s seen in 16 years of public service.

More charges are expected, against Gambriel and others, Bruce said. Gambriel is being held on $7,500 bond, and doesn’t yet have an attorney, he said.

Three families lived on the property, authorities said, but the total number of residents wasn’t clear. The property, littered with 15 to 20 abandoned vehicles, was “in the brush in the middle of nowhere on a dead-end road” that deputies rarely visited, Bruce said.

“We’ve known for a while they were a little strange, that they didn’t want interference from the outside world, but unless we’re down there on a call, it’s not part of our routine patrol,” Bruce said.

The local Humane Society called the rescue the largest it ever had undertaken and said the people were “clearly hoarders” who were raising and breeding rabbits and dogs, but not necessarily for sale.

If You Want To Know Who Is Now Endorsing Monogamy

Try Bill Clinton.

Bill Clinton made a plea yesterday for a new emphasis on monogamy as a key element in the battle against AIDS. The former U.S. president, not noted for his ability to keep his own marriage vows, said it was very important to change people’s attitudes to sex.

In an interview with the BBC, recorded in Africa, Clinton told his interviewer that increasing support for monogamy was not just a problem for the continent worst hit by AIDS, but for the world.

“To pretend we can ever get hold of this without dealing with that — the idea of unprotected sexual relations with unlimited numbers of partners — I think would be naive.”

Wow. Talk about irony.

If You Want To Name Your Boat (Or Is It Ship?) For The Olympics

Be prepared for humorless twits to oppose your name if it is awesome.

You see, two British Olympic sailing guys love naming their boats after songs they like. Too bad this time around, their song choice conflicted with the stupidity of the Olympics people. I guess the song “Big T*ts” by The Kooks was a bit much.

Stevie said: “We’ve always named our boats after songs and Jackie Big T**s is one by The Kooks we liked. We’ve also had a boat called Britney and another named Sally Cinnamon.

“It’s not the same if your boat just has a number, is it?”

They might have won that battle but with Olympic bigwigs sticking their oar in, Stevie and Ben have no choice but to give up their Big T**s. They will now compete under the banner Little Miss Pipedream, after THE WOMBATS’ track.

If You Have Been Waiting For A Story About A Five-Year-Old Boy Winding Up In A Hooters Parking Lot

Your wait is over.

Employees of Hooters found the child safe about 5:20 p.m. He left the child care center in the 2300 block of San Jacinto Boulevard, crossed the Interstate 35E northbound service road and Dallas Drive, bought a soft drink at a service station and walked to Hooters, where an employee found him in the parking lot and called police.

Deborah Pugh, who owns the child care business, said Wednesday that the boy asked to go to the bathroom and then slipped out a fire exit door, which must, by law, remain unlocked.

“It was just really fast,” Pugh said. “When the parent came for him we said he was in the bathroom. But we looked and realized he wasn’t, and we called police.”