American Exceptionalism

Normally, something this idiotic would not even warrant a mention, especially as it comes from Karen Tumulty, one of the Beltway Intelligentsia. I was going to ignore it until I saw this today, in light of World AIDS Day.

Yeah, guess what country has given the most money and help to fight AIDS in Africa. Hell, even uber douchebag Bono can see the writing on the wall:

“Even people who are snide and snarky about the United States of America have to admit that millions and millions of lives have been saved by American taxpayers,” Bono told Fox News’ Bret Baier during an interview with the lead singer and the former president taped at {former President George W}Bush’s Dallas, Texas, office.

That’s fucking right. No fucking other country on the fucking face of the fucking earth would fucking donate zillions of dollars to fight a scourge such as AIDS on a continent far away and not blink an eye. Put aside any social commentary about AIDS, and what you see in the fight that Bono and the U.S. have started shows our fucking exceptionalism. What you see is the willingness for a free people to expend money to help people far away, and not utter a peep. And what you fucking see is how generous the American people are. And this shit Tumulty pushed really fucking pissed me off.

Yes, Karen Tumulty, America is an exceptional place. America is the only country that can and will lead to preserve life, liberty, and the fucking pursuit of happiness around the globe. Only America will be willing to save zillions of people around the fucking globe to fight anything that threatens said goals listed above. And only America, that Shining City on a Hill, will do whatever can be done to make sure that people in other parts of the fucking world that we will never see might have a fucking chance to live, and utter nary a significant peep in protest. And what is truly pathetic is how you fail to see what good arises from us saving the world.

So fuck your snark, Karen Tumulty. Fuck your inability to see how a free nation is indeed exceptional, as contrasted to the dictatorships that have done jack fucking shit to help out Africa. Fuck your cocktail circuit for thinking along your lines. And furyfuck with the flying fuckeagle of freedom’s claws anybody who agrees with your decree that America is not exceptional. Why don’t you fucking live in an oppressed state, just so you can fucking see what it’s like to have no fucking chances and report back to us?

So get fucked, Tumulty, and go and see how exceptional we are from the outside.

If You Are Worried About Flying Seat Cushions At Sumo Matches

Worry no longer.

The threat of injury to spectators means the JSA frowns on the practice. From next month’s Kyushu tournament, single square cushions will be replaced with a 1.25-meter wide rectangular version that seats two people and fits in the 1.35-m square boxes that surround the ring. Every box will contain two of the cushions, which will be tied together to further deter potential miscreants.

“We thought about what kind of cushions would be hard to throw,” director Dewanoumi said. “As long as one person is sitting on them, these will be difficult to budge.”

If You Want To Buy A Judo Video Featuring Vladimir Putin

Now is your opportunity.

At a nighttime presentation minutes into his 56th birthday, Putin said the title was little more than an ‘advertising trick’.

Anyone who watches it ‘will be learning not from your humble servant but from real geniuses’ of the martial art, he said.
But portions shown on Russian television depicted a black-clad Putin talking about the history and philosophy of judo, as well as a white-robed Putin demonstrating moves against a practice partner.
Putin is a one-time judo champion of his home city St. Petersburg – called Leningrad at the time.
He is also an avid skier, and his apparent fitness and devotion to physical activity helped increase his popularity in eight years as president.

This contrasted sharply with his hard-drinking and chronically ill predecessor, Boris Yeltsin, who died last year.

Thanks to this comment over at DPUD.

If You Want To See Ninjas On Rollerskates

Here you go.

You Know What We Need? A Ninja Crime Wave!

And Iowa is proud to oblige.

The two males, who were wearing masks that covered their faces, made off with an undisclosed amount of cash and left the store, police said. They were last seen running through the Sycamore Mall parking lot.

The first suspect was described as a black teenage male, between 5-foot-6 and 5-foot-8, with a skinny frame and long braids in his hair. The second suspect was also described as a black teenage male, between 5-foot-10 and 5-foot-11 and lanky.

Neither the Deli Mart clerk nor the customer were injured. An investigation continues into the incident.

If Your Barber Has A Calendar With Naked Women On It

Don’t do what this guy did.

Nestore Monaldo, 30, ‘went crazy’ and torched the entire salon when the barber refused to take down the photo, said police in Frosinone, Lazio.

If Your Doctor Suggests Removing A Cancerous Lung

Make sure that lung really is cancerous.

But he says he was later told that there was never any cancer and the operation he underwent was unnecessary.

Mr Ball, who lives in Shetland, says his life has been ruined by the ordeal.

The firefighter, who has commendations for bravery, now plans legal action against NHS Grampian.

“The impact of this on my life and my family is hard to imagine,” he told a Scottish paper.

“I have lost everything – my job, my health and I have had years of what should have been a happy retirement stolen from me.

“To say that I was shocked doesn’t really do it justice.

“I was exhilarated to have survived the operation and then to be told that I didn’t have cancer – I could not get my head around the words.”

Mr Ball’s problems started when he contracted a chest infection and was sent for tests at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary.

He was reportedly told he had tested positive for cancer in the upper left lobe of his left lung.

He underwent surgery at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary where the whole left lung was removed.

After the operation, Mr Ball was told by a surgeon hewould not need chemotherapy as there had never been any cancer in his lung.

Since the operation he has reportedly suffered an almost fatal pneumothorax, which makes the lung collapse.

The health board have reportedly not paid Mr Ball any compensation, and he is preparing to take court action.

If You Are A Woman Riding A Donkey And A Lion Attacks You

Just hope you have your machete.

The 35-year-old woman says she found the courage to fight the lion because she thought it would attack her niece. She hit the animal with a machete until the beast ran away. Aleman and her niece were unharmed.

The state government said in a statement that the lion had escaped from a private zoo owned by a former local congressman.

Thanks to Dolla Bill.

If You Want To Name Your Boat (Or Is It Ship?) For The Olympics

Be prepared for humorless twits to oppose your name if it is awesome.

You see, two British Olympic sailing guys love naming their boats after songs they like. Too bad this time around, their song choice conflicted with the stupidity of the Olympics people. I guess the song “Big T*ts” by The Kooks was a bit much.

Stevie said: “We’ve always named our boats after songs and Jackie Big T**s is one by The Kooks we liked. We’ve also had a boat called Britney and another named Sally Cinnamon.

“It’s not the same if your boat just has a number, is it?”

They might have won that battle but with Olympic bigwigs sticking their oar in, Stevie and Ben have no choice but to give up their Big T**s. They will now compete under the banner Little Miss Pipedream, after THE WOMBATS’ track.

If You Want To Attend A Japanese Navel Celebration

Just go to Shibukawa.

“The belly button is traditionally believed to be located in the middle of the body and the most important part. Our town, Shibukawa, is also called the belly button of Japan, and that is how this festival began,” said festival organizer Kazuo Yamada.

The festival is based on a traditional Japanese form of entertainment where revelers paint a face on their torsos and stomachs and pretend it is a head.

A kimono is then wrapped around the waist and the person’s real head is hidden by a large cloth hat. The belly button is traditionally painted into a mouth.

These days, modern motifs and Japanese anime designs have crept in to the festival, which city officials said is all about having fun.

“It’s about everyone doing something together. But it’s essentially pretty silly so it’s just about having fun and going for the ride,” said Hironori Kanou, a 26-year-old city hall employee who was walking around with a painted belly.