Fuck You, Andrew Wakefiield

Fuck you, Andrew Wakefield. Animalrape you forever up your pock marked ass with an uncircumcised and cialis-infused elephant bonered up with mumblefucking urges and a severely warped case of the hatefucks. Fuck whatever passes for your soul with the anger and desperation of untold numbers of parents who subjected their children to diseases such as measles because they bought into your scam. Fuck you for refusing to admit you were wrong. Fuck you for playing on the emotions of parents of autistic children, implying that they may have been at fault for what happened to their children and causing them to needlessly second-guess themselves and their actions. Fuck you for apparently scheming with an ambulance chasing lawyer. Fuck you for setting back autism research with your actions. And fuck you because I want to see you broken and disemboweled through your goatse with a syphilitic toilet snake for what you have done to science and humanity, and refusing to offer a mea culpa.

Seriously, Andrew Wakefield, in the annals of biological atrocities against mankind, you rank up there with the worst of the worst, because people became sick solely because of you and the shit you pushed. You rank up there in the annals of yellow publications with the forged Protocols of the Elders of Zion because people believed a lie and farce knowingly promulgated by you and the veneer of respectability afforded to a shithead with a degree. You rank in the annals of mass murderers and biological terrorists because diseases once believed to be defeated staged a deadly comeback because of you. And because your actions have led to so much misery, the harvest of sorrow cultivated by the seeds you planted demand that the retaliation from humanity be as swift and fucking vicious as those afforded to pirates and the Nazis.

Andrew Wakefield, the pestilence and misery you helped foment also took a psychological edge that Goebbels and Himmler are in fucking awe of as you were able to spread your lie-backed findings to millions of people in a manner that they would buy into them, fostered along by dimwitted celebrities such as Jenny McCarthy, who bought into your fuckheadedness and spread your lies to millions of people via shows such as Oprah and Larry King. And for that, you should be held accountable in a means worse than financially, especially as it relates to perforated colons in a prison cell. Thankfully, my wife and I refused to buy into your lies, despite pressure from some easily swayed relatives who thought we were poisoning our daughter by getting her vaccinated. Thankfully, we do not have to face a child who needlessly suffered from an irresponsible decision on our part. And, thankfully, we did not have to endure the challenges, emotional roller coaster, and self doubt parents of autistic children faced because of your assfistery. But because you caused people I know and care for doubt that they were doing the best for their children, you deserve nothing but hate and fuckfuckertude from the tailpipe of a roadcruiser riding on the fuckway of fury.

So fuck you, Andrew Wakefield. Fuck you with a rusty puckpipe with a camera rolling so I can hear you scream for the damage you have inflicted upon humanity. Fuck you eternally in the afterlife with a fuckbolt from Gaia tossed by those who you sent to their graves or a reduced life because of your works. And fuck you because I want to see assholes like you getting drowned in a jail cell toilet while being glassraped by a fiend for your criminal activity.

I want to see you, Andrew Wakefield, sent to whatever is beyond Hell for what you have done and created, for being throatfucked by Satan’s fuckwand is too good for you, you mass murdering fuckguzzler.

If You Plan On Drinking From A Hose

Don’t be like this guy.

Staff at the home were told to monitor him after he was seen drinking from the hosepipe but he was soon spotted again standing by the tap in soaking clothes.
Mr Else was given medication but was later discovered lying in a pool of water by the hose.
He was pronounced dead at the Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading, and a post-mortem revealed he had died as a result of over-consumption of water.
Patima Silima, deputy manager of the Voyage centre in Theale, near Reading, Berks, told the inquest that her staff had done all they could to monitor Mr Else’s behaviour on May 25, the day he died.
She said: ‘I spotted him drinking water from the hosepipe in the garden at around 5pm, so I told the staff to monitor him.
‘A little later I looked out into the garden and saw him trying to turn the hosepipe tap off. His jumper and knees were wet, so for me it was clear he had been drinking again.
‘We brought him indoors and gave him some medication to calm him down and he seemed to be fine.’
But Mrs Silima told the hearing that she was called into the garden at 8.15pm to find Mr Else collapsed on the ground.
She added: ‘His lips had changed colour and he was cold.’
Pathologist Dr Colin McCormick said Mr Else had died from over-consumption of water which had diluted the levels of sodium in his blood, causing heart failure

I Feel Like Skydiving!

Eh, maybe not.

If You Plan On Running Down The Street In Nothing But Your Underwear And A Bike Helmet

Why not go for the Gold Medal of Crazy?

Supt Hopkins said although the parade sounded amusing and probably looked the same way, it was incredibly dangerous at the time.

“He was running close to one of our main roads, where the big road trains travel,” Supt Hopkins said.

“It could have been quite tragic.”

Supt Hopkins said the man had not offered an explanation as to why he had attached the fire crackers to his head.

The 22-year-old Mt Isa man was charged with being a public nuisance and having possession of fireworks.

Cutting Torch+Excess Fuel Laying Around=Bad News

Especially for these Canadian guys.

Regional Police tell 570 News two men were trying to remove a rusty bolt on a gas tank with a cutting torch when fuel underneath the vehicle ignited. A bucket of fuel nearby was also set on fire.
It took crews 15 minutes to get the blaze under control. One man suffered minor burns while the other has second degree burns to his forehead, cheeks and arms.

Huffing+Teenagers+Cigarette Lighter=BOOM!

Folks, this is why teenagers should be locked away until they are 20.

The explosion totaled the Toyota sedan they were sitting in at a parking lot at McIntosh Lake near Harvard Street and Wedgwood Avenue during the lunch hour. An 18-year-old woman and 16-year-old girl suffered first-degree burns, while a 16-year-old who was in the back seat suffered second-degree burns. They were all treated at Longmont United Hospital, Longmont police Cmdr. Tim Lewis said.

“It appears that the people in the vehicle were abusing household aerosol chemicals and that was ignited when one of the girls lit a cigarette,” Lewis said.

Some people inhale fumes from common household chemicals, like aerosols, to get high. The practice is commonly called huffing.

“We have not charged them, obviously, but there is that potential,” Lewis said. “It is illegal to huff toxic vapors.”

He said fire officials remarked it was miraculous that the force of the explosion didn’t more seriously injure or kill any of the teenagers, given the extensive damage to the Toyota. The force of the explosion blew out all of the windows, launched the sunroof into a nearby tree and badly damaged the car’s body. A city forester helped investigators retrieve the sunroof from the tree, Lewis said.

The fumes from the strawberry-raspberry and mango-pineapple aerosols also had worked their way into the car’s ventilation system, according to to police.

If You Plan On Swimming With Sharks

Expect bad things to happen to you.

Mr Cloke, of Bristol, clashed with the beast early this morning.

He is in Australia for three weeks with his wife Fiona who was watching from the other side of the glass.

He said: “I was in there for five minutes when I felt this almighty wallop on the top of my head.

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“I had no idea what had happened and it all happened quite suddenly. There was no indication at all it was coming before it happened.

“There was quite a lot of blood around at first. Then I realised what had happened and it was just a bit of a love bite really.”

If You Want To Go To A Spa That Uses Snakes

Just go to Israel.

Courtesy Getty Images

Miss Barak believes that physical contact with the reptiles can be a relaxing experience. She says that she was inspired by her belief that once people get over any initial misgivings, they find physical contact with the snakes to be stress relieving.

“Some people said that holding the snakes made them feel better, relaxed,” she said “One old lady said it was soothing, like a cold compress.”

The size of the snakes depends on the type of massage – the larger ones are said to alleviate deeper muscle tensions and the smaller ones create a ‘fluttering’ effect. All are the snakes used are non-venemous.

Miss Barak began offering the service at the Talmey El’Azar tourist attraction in 2006 and now most of her income comes from exhibiting plants at her carnivorous plant farm, which eat everything from insects to small mammals.

If You Plan On Riding A Snowmobile Through A Field

Expect bad things to happen to you.

Cass County sheriff’s deputies said Donald Hawkins, 53, was riding in a field near U.S. 12 between Starbrick and Cassopolis streets about 7 p.m. Sunday when he hit the pole.

Police said the accident threw Hawkins several feet from the sled. It is not known why he was riding a snowmobile in a plowed field.

If You Plan On Vandalizing A Yard In Missouri

Just hope it isn’t this yard.

Around noon, when Long picked up her phone to answer a return call, she was closer to making good on that threat.

“I found me an electric fence, and they told me, ‘You’re going to have to have that pole in the ground 6 foot,’ ” she said. “I told them if I had to stand out in the yard and peck all night, I’ll do it.”

At 5-foot-1, Long is hardly the picture of brute force, but the 66-year-old is determined to catch – or zap – the perpetrators. Her husband, Carl, a former city alderman, apparently has his own plans: “My husband is very upset. They might have a little BB stinging them in their rear,” Lena said.

Ashland Police Chief Scott Robbins thinks the culprits are local high school kids “just out messing around.” Although he doubts there are political motives behind the tomfoolery, Long begs to differ.

“They’re getting on the wrong nerve now,” she said. “I think it’s terrible that something like this is going on. They don’t bother the Obama signs. They want to keep a clean campaign, but this is terrible.”

She’s sure there is more than one sign bandit. All four McCain/Palin signs on her lawn, in three different locations at Cottonwood Street and Route M, were heisted.

Long refers to the spot as “campaign corner” where signs touting the candidacies of Ed Robb, Peter Kinder, Kenny Hulshof, Kurt Schaefer and other Republicans were untouched.