If You Play Australian Rules Football

You need to take a refresher on how to treat women.

Today’s Tough Athlete

Talk about taking one for the team.

Now Sosa, the team’s leading scorer, won’t be playing in the state tournament. He had emergency surgery Sunday on a fractured testicle, a rare injury that doctors told him usually occurs among hockey players.

“It was a perfect hit,” Sosa said Monday at his home, where teammates visited before preparing to leave for Wednesday’s state tournament opener in Lakeland. “I’ve never heard of anything like this before.”

Sosa, who came home from the hospital Monday, can walk with assistance but he is under orders to remain in bed for the next couple of days.

Grandview players sported patches with the Puerto Rican flag and Sosa’s No. 13 on their shirts during an in-school pep rally Monday. They’ll face Tallahassee-FAMU High in the state semfinals without their only senior’s 19.5 points and six rebounds per game.

Standing by Sosa’s bedside, Grandview Prep coach Joe Dawson told his players: “We can still do it. Someone else needs to step up.”

Remember That Asshole Lawyer (But I Repeat Myself) Who Vandalized A Marine’s Car In Chicago?

Well, he had his day in court. And karma is a bitch.

Turns out the judge overseeing the case is a Marine. And he had these choice words for the jerk:

After the admission, came the details and Grodner was lucky, getting off with a misdemeanor and no jail time, and not a felony even though he caused $2,400 in damage to Sgt. McNulty’s car.

So Grodner received a $600 fine, which will go to a Marine charity, 30 hours of community service and a year of court supervision. If he doesn’t pay up in a month, the judge promised to put him in jail for a year.

Judge O’Malley had something to say. He looked out into his courtroom, at all those men who’d come to support a Marine they didn’t know.

“You caused damage to this young Marine sergeant’s car because you were offended by his Marine Corps license plates,” said Judge O’Malley.

Grodner stood there, hands behind his back. He grasped the fingers of his left hand with his right, and held it there, so they wouldn’t wiggle.

“You’re probably also wondering why there was a whole crowd of people here, Mr. Grodner,” said Judge O’Malley.

And then the judge reminded the guy about how Marines treat each other.

That’s because there is a little principle that the Marine Corps has had since 1775,” the judge continued. “When they fought and lost their lives so that people like you could enjoy the freedom of this country. It is a little proverb that we follow:

“No Marine is left behind.

“So Sgt. McNulty couldn’t be here. But other Marines showed up in his stead. Take him away,” said the judge and former Marine.

I’m Jealous

Cuffy Meigs sure can attract the top drawer trolls.

Oh No! Not Another British Bar Patron Passing Gas Story!

Yup!

It seems this guy has been ordered in writing by his favorite watering hole to vacate the premises when he needs to cut one.

I do get a bit windy — I am an old fart now,” he said.

According to the letter: “After several complaints regarding your continual breaking of wind (farting) while in the club, would you please consider that your actions are considered disgusting to fellow members and visitors.”

And Now For Some Old Fashioned Sexism

Take a look at this guy’s letter to the editor.

Apparently, this guy is not down with women trying to make something of themselves.

Americans And Torture Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Jelly

No, I’m not talking about torturing terrorists. I’m talking about fraternities in Southern Illinois.

A Message To Red Sox Bars From The Mayor

Please don’t drink too much.

Librarians At Their Finest

It seems they are fining dead people for late book fees.

But, if the dead can vote, I guess they should also have to pay their late fees.

Internet Romeo Advice

Be careful before sending out beefcake photos of yourself.