Larry King Singing?

Larry King singing!

Dear Democrats

Fuck you. You fucked us over. Now we fuck you over.

Democrat Activists Are Terrorists

Fuck you, Democrats! Fuck you. You want to keep claiming that the conservatives are the thugs after shit like this?

If You Want To Paint Your House Strange Colors

This guy may be your mentor.

If You Want To Trap A Grizzly Bear

Just use honey.

Madel said the bear had no history of causing trouble or being captured.

“It was a new bear to us,” he said.

Auchly said officials first received a report of a bear hitting a beehive Sept. 9, then heard nothing for about 10 days. A snare was set Sept. 22 after more beehives were raided. The bear was caught the next night.

“It was caught about a mile northeast of Simms along the Simms-Ashuelot Road,” said Dave Holland, FWP game warden.

In the fall, black and grizzly bears are in constant search of food before they den for the winter. Madel figures that is what brought the bear near Simms.

“The local chokecherry crop is not very good — spotty at best,” Madel said. “I’m guessing he was following the chokecherries along the Sun River and found some beehives.”

Beehives west and south of Augusta typically are protected by electric fencing, but not around Simms.

Madel said that there is good news for the bear — the huckleberry crop is very good west of the Continental Divide, where the animal was released.

The bear visited the Simms area just a week after bear managers released a report saying they believe grizzlies have expanded their range in the Northern Continental Divide Ecosystem.

A five-year study of bears in the ecosystem, based on DNA collected from bear hairs left behind in the woods, concluded that an estimated 765 grizzlies live in the northern Rocky Mountains of Montana. That’s about 2.5 times the number of bears previously estimated to live in the 7.8 million-acre Northern Continental Divide Ecosystem, which is about the size of Maryland and Delaware combined.

If You Want To Keep Your Ass Out Of Jail

Don’t let it eat corn not intended for it.

The unnamed ungulate was found in possession of the institute’s corn and a local judge sentenced him to 24 hours in prison.

The man who had his ass thrown in jail got off with a fine of 50 Egyptian pounds ($11.40).

If You Want To Sit Naked Outdoors And Watch Pr0n

Expect jail time.

Police received a report about 12:30 p.m. that a naked man was sitting on a milk crate behind buildings in the 300 block of West Ann Street. Police found the man, who was shirtless and had his pants down around his ankles. He had a beer in one hand and was masturbating with the other while leaning over a pornographic magazine, reports said.

The officer arrested the 50-year-old Ypsilanti man for indecent exposure and charges are pending.

I guess if he had laid off the beer, everything would have been OK.

Great Moments In Hoarding And Obsessive Compulsiveness

Postman Edition.

“It’s worth mentioning the 23-year-old didn’t deliver mail addressed to himself either,” local police said in a statement.

Investigating officers found rubbish bags and boxes full of letters and other post stashed around the man’s flat and cellar. He told police he had got behind with deliveries because of his night school studies and felt too “overtaxed” to catch up.

Police said at a conservative estimate, the hoard, which the man had built up since August 2007, comprised at least 20,000 letters. Two vans were needed to remove it.

And, the Fast Food Version.

The Fond du Lac man said he hit the 23,000 milestone last month, continuing a culinary obsession that began May 17, 1972, and is fed by his obsessive-compulsive disorder.

“I enjoy them every day,” said Gorske, 54. “I need two to fill me up.”

Gorske has kept every burger receipt in a box. He says he was always fascinated with numbers, and watching McDonald’s track its number of customers motivated him to track his own consumption.

Despite a diet some would call unhealthy, Gorske says he keeps himself in good shape. He says he’s 6-foot-2 and weighs 185 pounds, and walks as many as 10 miles a day.

He used to order fries every day in the 1980s but began to cut back in the ’90s, now eating them about once a month. He eats two Big Macs and two parfaits a day. Gorske has written a book about his experience.

“Sometimes people call me a freak but it doesn’t bother me. I just say respect people as they are,” he told The Associated Press. “I just want to make sure people understand I’m not going to change.”

If You Try To Siphon Gas

Try to do better than this guy.

The man was using an electric vacuum cleaner to siphon gas from a 5-gallon drum into his work van in the parking lot of an apartment in the 31300 block of 107th Place Southeast in Auburn. The activity sparked a fire, which quickly spread under the van.

The flames burned a garage and townhouse, the fire authority reported. The occupants tried to contain the blaze until firefighters arrived.

The van was destroyed. The townhouse sustained minor damage.

If You Think Your Sheriff Is A Creep

This town in Florida has you beat.

“Investigator Francis G. Monaco met with several witnesses over the past months in regards to two incidents involving Sheriff Dean Kelly and deputies from Putnam County, Florida. The date of each incident has been established to have occurred between December 2006 and January 2007.

“These incidents both involve large gatherings of young adults and juveniles.

“The brief description of the two incidents is as follows:

“The first incident involved a birthday party taking place at an area known as Long Pond in rural Putnam County. Between the hours of 11 p.m. and 1 a.m. Sheriff Dean Kelly and deputies arrived. According to the witnesses, the participants started leaving the area and witnesses reported that Sheriff Dean Kelly shot the keg of beer.

“The second incident reported was another party held and again Sheriff Kelly and deputies arrived and ordered the crowd to disperse; at which time coolers and lawn chairs were thrown into the bonfire by Sheriff Kelly.

“At this incident, a subject was told to leave the area and went to his friend’s residence on private property at which time Sheriff Kelly ordered him to leave the property. The subject would not leave as he was waiting for his friend to arrive and had permission to be on the property. An altercation occurred and the subject was handcuffed by the Sheriff. The Sheriff then decided to release the subject but had no handcuff key and another deputy had to be summoned to the scene with a key.

“Investigator Francis Monaco, at each meeting with the persons interviewed, has been told that there are many other witnesses but they are alleged too afraid to come forward allegedly fearing retaliation. At each meeting these witnesses have advised that they have friends who will come forward to give statements, but only four have done so.

“The (Palatka) Daily News ran a story several weeks ago about the keg shooting incident at which time some anonymous calls were received by this Investigator.

“Only bits and pieces of information were gathered but addition names were provided. Investigator Francis Monaco has been able to determine two other deputies were present at the keg shooting and the deputy who drove Sheriff Kelly to the pond area stated that Sheriff Kelly did not fire any firearm, but the deputy shot at the keg with two firearms.

“It is undetermined as to the actual keg which was shot due to conflicting witness statements.

“Additional witnesses need to be interviewed as names have been provided over the past three weeks through calls made to the State Attorney’s Office.

“Case investigation pending.”