If You Want To See What Maria Sharapova Is Wearing At The Australian Open

Here you go.

 

Courtesy: Getty

You Want To Restrict My Speech?

Fuck you. Fuck your attempts to silence me. Fuck your attempts to legislate what can and cannot be said and how it is to be said. Fuck you for lying about us as you go about slandering people and wishing death upon them. And kamikazeefuck you with a circus midget’s stuntcock for ghoulishly trying to exploit a tragedy to further your goals.

I am still fucking here, will never stay silent, and will only surrender my speech in the molon fucking labe fashion, and no amount of bungefuckery on your end can and will change that. And that must fucking gall you to no end, hence your lashing out today. And that fucking makes me the happiest motherfucker on the fucking planet, watching you act like a three year old because you didn’t initially get the political pop you thought you would.

So fuck you and the horse that fucked you along the way.

American Exceptionalism

Normally, something this idiotic would not even warrant a mention, especially as it comes from Karen Tumulty, one of the Beltway Intelligentsia. I was going to ignore it until I saw this today, in light of World AIDS Day.

Yeah, guess what country has given the most money and help to fight AIDS in Africa. Hell, even uber douchebag Bono can see the writing on the wall:

“Even people who are snide and snarky about the United States of America have to admit that millions and millions of lives have been saved by American taxpayers,” Bono told Fox News’ Bret Baier during an interview with the lead singer and the former president taped at {former President George W}Bush’s Dallas, Texas, office.

That’s fucking right. No fucking other country on the fucking face of the fucking earth would fucking donate zillions of dollars to fight a scourge such as AIDS on a continent far away and not blink an eye. Put aside any social commentary about AIDS, and what you see in the fight that Bono and the U.S. have started shows our fucking exceptionalism. What you see is the willingness for a free people to expend money to help people far away, and not utter a peep. And what you fucking see is how generous the American people are. And this shit Tumulty pushed really fucking pissed me off.

Yes, Karen Tumulty, America is an exceptional place. America is the only country that can and will lead to preserve life, liberty, and the fucking pursuit of happiness around the globe. Only America will be willing to save zillions of people around the fucking globe to fight anything that threatens said goals listed above. And only America, that Shining City on a Hill, will do whatever can be done to make sure that people in other parts of the fucking world that we will never see might have a fucking chance to live, and utter nary a significant peep in protest. And what is truly pathetic is how you fail to see what good arises from us saving the world.

So fuck your snark, Karen Tumulty. Fuck your inability to see how a free nation is indeed exceptional, as contrasted to the dictatorships that have done jack fucking shit to help out Africa. Fuck your cocktail circuit for thinking along your lines. And furyfuck with the flying fuckeagle of freedom’s claws anybody who agrees with your decree that America is not exceptional. Why don’t you fucking live in an oppressed state, just so you can fucking see what it’s like to have no fucking chances and report back to us?

So get fucked, Tumulty, and go and see how exceptional we are from the outside.

Fuck Civility!

Really?

Well, fuck civility. First chair fuck it from the woodwind section in the middle of a command performance of Toccata and Fuck. Fuck those who try to tell us, after years of slander, beatings, lies, and false accusations from the left, we need to fucking be nice now that they have lost. Fuck the belief that being nice while the other side refuses to hold back will work. And lawnfuck on a frozen day with a snow shovel anybody who dares lecture us about civility after the shit thrown at us for years by those now begging us to play nice.

You know who fucking wants to be civil? Fucking losers, that’s who. Those weak willed, goatsegramming, assjiggling, snails up their widened asses, that’s who. Those people who blanche at the sight of people demanding their voices be heard, that’s who. And those fuckfurters with relish who want to tell us everything will be all fucky-dory, so long as we fucking let them tell us how to act and live. And these are the people who wind up sliding us into statism, so fuck them forever with used toilet paper after I had a batch of macho Nachos.

When I read about the desires of many on the left to have us become a regulated, state-run society, I look in on the two most precious things I know as they sleep. One of those is the daughter of mine who is a gift from above and made in the image of all that is perfect, who has the potential to shape history, so long as she has the opportunity to do so, and is what G-d above meant when he was pleased with his handiwork. The other is the one I abandoned all others for, the one for whom I still crave every night as if it were two nights before our wedding (heh!), who I promised to always be my happily ever after, and who bore my children who died before birth, who live, and who are yet to come. As I watch over them, do you flaccid fuckmuscles stuck in the fuckzipper of fuckheadedness really believe I will accommodate and yield anything to those who wish to harm them? Well, rockfuck you with an algae fucked fucktwig if you think so.

No, I will not yield to those who seek to destroy those I value more than my life itself. I will not yield an inch to those who wish to control and regulate my family’s life. I will not yield an inch to those who wish death upon me for my views. I will not yield until they are driven from the plains forever. And “civility” to those who wish to destroy everything around me is merely the first step. So fuck your false calls for civility. Fuck your sham moderation. Fuck your calls for me to be anything less than vigilant against your schemes. And amoebafuck you until you dehydrate for trying to push this shit upon us.

Fuck Bipartisanship!

Fuck it hard!

Meet A True Hero

Rick and Liz Smith from North Carolina, who are telling the O-bots to fuck off.

Well done, sir. Well done.

Thanks to an email from cbullitt

If You Plan On Running Down The Street In Nothing But Your Underwear And A Bike Helmet

Why not go for the Gold Medal of Crazy?

Supt Hopkins said although the parade sounded amusing and probably looked the same way, it was incredibly dangerous at the time.

“He was running close to one of our main roads, where the big road trains travel,” Supt Hopkins said.

“It could have been quite tragic.”

Supt Hopkins said the man had not offered an explanation as to why he had attached the fire crackers to his head.

The 22-year-old Mt Isa man was charged with being a public nuisance and having possession of fireworks.

If You Make The World’s Largest Sandwich

You might want to keep it secure.

Event organisers had planned to display the world’s largest ostrich sandwich in a park in the capital Tehran.

But as the sandwich was being measured, chaos ensued. The giant snack was gone in minutes, a Reuters witness said, leaving the three Guinness representatives present with a dilemma.

One of the event’s organisers said video footage of the sandwich would be sent to Guinness officials.

“We still think the sandwich will be recorded in the Guinness book because of all the evidence and footage that we will send them,” Parvin Shariati said.

If You Want To See A Drunk Pony In A Pool

Today is your lucky day.

Twelve-year-old Fat Boy stumbled across the garden, and fell into the outdoor swimming pool which was covered by tarpaulin.

Sarah Penhaligon, 28, owner of the bungalow in Newquay, Cornwall, was woken at night by a “huge” splash and found the Moorland Pony in the shallow end.

She said: “I looked outside, saw this massive animal in the dark, and thought the Beast of Bodmin was in the pool. I was terrified, but when I took a closer look I realised it was a horse.

“I didn’t have a clue what to do next – who do you call when there’s a horse stuck in your swimming pool?

“I dialled 999 and they asked which service I wanted and I said I didn’t know, I just had a horse in my pool and needed help.”

Fire crews spent two hours building a set of hay steps in the pool, and hoisted the animal out of the water at 5am with the help of several harnesses.

The pony had escaped from the nearby Trenance riding stables. A spokesman said horses were known to get ‘punch drunk’ from eating too many apples.

She said: “It looks like he was scrounging for apples in the garden and fell in when he trod on the tarpaulin over the pool.

“It’s a good job he’s got a lot of bulk, as it kept him warm while he was stuck in the water.

 

Man, Talk About Turf Battles At A School!

Especially when it involves wild animals.

That something: two elk locking horns outside Walt Clark Middle School in Loveland. In fact, a whole herd of elk decided to camp out at the school.

9NEWS viewer Danny Dodge, who is also a producer of the TV show “Living the Wildlife,” sent us some video