Monthly Archives: July 2008

If You Are A Pregnant Bank Robber

Don’t bring your toddler along with you.

It happened Tuesday morning at the Community Educators Credit Union. Titusville Police say a woman disguised with a baseball cap, rubber gloves and sunglasses went into the credit union with the idea of robbing the place.

To top everything off witnesses told police she was very pregnant and left a toddler in the car while she allegedly committed the crime.

If You Thought Only Cubs Fans Were Ignorant Jerks

The Minnesota Twins have some representation now as well.

Last night, Sam went to the Metrodome with his family. They left his wheelchair on the concourse and walked down to their seats to watch the game.

The Doughertys know it wasn’t necessarily the best place to leave a wheelchair, but they’ve done it before and haven’t had any problems.

“We’re trusting. We leave the chair there and trust that people are going to respect that,” says Rick Dougherty, Sam’s father.

But out in the open like that, Sam’s wheelchair became an easy target.

“We’d never even think somebody would come and take a wheelchair,” says Rick.

After the game and at the top of the staircase, the wheelchair specifically designed for Sam was indeed gone.

It had not been moved by Twins or Metrodome staff, but had instead been swiped by a thief.

In fact, a Metrodome security camera caught an image of a man driving Sam’s wheelchair out Gate F. It happened in the 7th inning.

“I would like to think they had a good reason for doing it, like maybe they had a family member who needed it or they thought they could sell it for some money or something,” says Sam.

Sam wants his chair returned. It’s something he relies on.

And he hopes the only stealing he sees at his next Twins game is on the field.

“It helps me get places. I have much more freedom with it. I can do things with my friends a lot easier,” says Sam. “Just no hard feelings. Just bring it back.”

KARE 11 did speak with a Twins spokesperson Wednesday. Kevin Smith says what happened is certainly terrible. He says anyone who has a wheelchair can check it in with guest services. The Twins will keep the chair in a secure area and use another wheelchair to bring you to your seat.

If You Love The Video-Rocket Racing League

You are in luck.
Quoth Fanhouse:

The league is the brainchild of Granger Whitelaw. Just take a second to appreciate the true awesomeness of that name.

According to Whitelaw, competitors will race rockets around the sky on a 5 mile course that is 150 feet to 1,500 feet above the ground. Fans will be able to follow the action on video screens, which will provide cockpit views.

The league is currently only conducting demonstrations at air shows, one of which you can see this weekend in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, but expects to start competition next year with 6 teams already signed up.

If You Want To Catch Deep Sea Fish While Jumping From A Helicopter

This guy can show you how.

If You Feel Compelled To Videotape Yourself Masturbating While Driving A Drug-Laden Car

At least try not to speed excessively.

Prosecutor Sergeant Melinda Edwards said in court the father-of-three told police he “had masturbated while driving” just before he was stopped for speeding on the 130km/h stretch of the Stuart Hwy.

“(He) also video recorded himself masturbating while travelling at a speed of 150km/h.”

Sgt Edwards said Mr Erhardt — who was disqualified from driving — also told officers his act was “not dangerous” as the “only person he could hurt was himself”.

Darwin Magistrates Court heard Mr Erhardt was stopped by NT police 25km south of Daly Waters on July 16 for allegedly speeding at 147km/h on his way home from Adelaide.

Police noticed he was “visibly agitated”, and when they told him they were going to search his Holden sedan, he said “go right ahead”, Sgt Edwards said.

It is alleged that officers found 4.96kg of cannabis hidden in a blue esky in the boot, two cannabis plants on the back seat, two drug pipes and a loaded .22 rifle.

Sgt Edwards said Mr Erhardt was arrested and told officers he had “found” the drugs at a rest stop 100km north of Coober Pedy — and he intended to smoke all of it at his Noonamah home.

Mr Erhardt also told police he had used the rifle to shoot “kangaroos from the vehicle whilst driving north”.

The court heard the cannabis was worth $136,000 if sold by the gram in Darwin — or double that in indigenous communities.

Mr Erhardt applied twice for bail last week so he could get married before going to jail.

If You Want To See How Jason Giambi Expresses His Feelings

Today is your lucky day.

If You Want To See Cubs Fans Acting Classy Yet Again

Check out this story about a brawl at Miller Park from last night.

Officers arrested the three Cubs fans Tuesday night on possible charges of substantial battery. The men are 25, 26 and 34 years old.

Police say the three Chicago area men got off the bus after the 24-year-old West Allis man threw the beer. The Brewers fan was cited for disorderly conduct and taken to a local hospital. Authorities say he suffered cuts to his face and had a tooth knocked out.

The 34-year-old Chicago area man also received a municipal ticket for assault and battery after police say he punched his sister in the mouth as she tried to intervene in the fight.

If You Are Wondering Why That Airplane Bathroom Is Always Occupied

You now have a new reason to wonder beyond the Mile High Club and that bad salad at the Airport TGIFriday’s.

Spokeswoman Keyra Johnson says the body was on Delta flight 950 that arrived from Los Angeles. She says the crew noticed the restroom was occupied on the final approach to the airport Wednesday morning.

If You Live In Denver And Want Free Pizza

Just hope the Tampa Bay Rays win the World Series this year.

Free pizza for the world if the Rays win the World Series.

Sounds crazy, especially in Colorado. “People come in and ask, why did you pick the Rays?” Keiley said Tuesday.

But he has his reasons. And he might be on to something.

He made his first such deal in June 2007, offering free pizza in the unlikely event his hometown Rockies swept the Yankees.

They did, and Keiley gave away 2,500 pizzas — at a cost of about $12,000.

As football season kicked off, he figured he would do it again: Free pizza if any NFL team went 16-0. The New England Patriots did. So on a Sunday in January, Keiley gave away about 1,500 pizzas.

A few weeks ago, he was impressed watching on ESPN as the Rays rallied to beat and sweep the Red Sox. He called a childhood buddy from New York (they were Mets fans), George Vricos, who now lives in Clearwater. The more he heard about the Rays, the more he liked. So he made his latest offer.

If You Want To meet The World’s Worst Bandit

This guy might be at the top of your list.

The suspect walked into the restaurant about 12:45 a.m. dressed in a pink jogging suit top and black pants while wearing a black wig with blonde streaks, the report said. He was carrying a brown purse and wearing sunglasses.

An employee behind the counter, who is not being identified by The Times-Picayune, said Monday she could tell immediately that the robber was a man.

“It was kind of weird,” she said when reached by telephone.

The robber approached the counter and ordered two doughnuts. The robber opened his purse and handed the worker a $5 bill, the report said. As the employee opened the cash register, the robber pulled a handgun from the purse and mumbled something she couldn’t understand, the report said. The employee started screaming for someone to call 911.

“I guess I kind of panicked,” she said. “I hit the floor.”

The robber fled without trying to take any money from the register. He got away, but he left behind the $5 as well as the doughnuts, according to the report. The case is under investigation, according to Col. John Fortunato, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office.