If You Want To See How Jason Giambi Expresses His Feelings

Today is your lucky day.

If You Want To See Cubs Fans Acting Classy Yet Again

Check out this story about a brawl at Miller Park from last night.

Officers arrested the three Cubs fans Tuesday night on possible charges of substantial battery. The men are 25, 26 and 34 years old.

Police say the three Chicago area men got off the bus after the 24-year-old West Allis man threw the beer. The Brewers fan was cited for disorderly conduct and taken to a local hospital. Authorities say he suffered cuts to his face and had a tooth knocked out.

The 34-year-old Chicago area man also received a municipal ticket for assault and battery after police say he punched his sister in the mouth as she tried to intervene in the fight.

If You Are Wondering Why That Airplane Bathroom Is Always Occupied

You now have a new reason to wonder beyond the Mile High Club and that bad salad at the Airport TGIFriday’s.

Spokeswoman Keyra Johnson says the body was on Delta flight 950 that arrived from Los Angeles. She says the crew noticed the restroom was occupied on the final approach to the airport Wednesday morning.

If You Live In Denver And Want Free Pizza

Just hope the Tampa Bay Rays win the World Series this year.

Free pizza for the world if the Rays win the World Series.

Sounds crazy, especially in Colorado. “People come in and ask, why did you pick the Rays?” Keiley said Tuesday.

But he has his reasons. And he might be on to something.

He made his first such deal in June 2007, offering free pizza in the unlikely event his hometown Rockies swept the Yankees.

They did, and Keiley gave away 2,500 pizzas — at a cost of about $12,000.

As football season kicked off, he figured he would do it again: Free pizza if any NFL team went 16-0. The New England Patriots did. So on a Sunday in January, Keiley gave away about 1,500 pizzas.

A few weeks ago, he was impressed watching on ESPN as the Rays rallied to beat and sweep the Red Sox. He called a childhood buddy from New York (they were Mets fans), George Vricos, who now lives in Clearwater. The more he heard about the Rays, the more he liked. So he made his latest offer.

If You Want To meet The World’s Worst Bandit

This guy might be at the top of your list.

The suspect walked into the restaurant about 12:45 a.m. dressed in a pink jogging suit top and black pants while wearing a black wig with blonde streaks, the report said. He was carrying a brown purse and wearing sunglasses.

An employee behind the counter, who is not being identified by The Times-Picayune, said Monday she could tell immediately that the robber was a man.

“It was kind of weird,” she said when reached by telephone.

The robber approached the counter and ordered two doughnuts. The robber opened his purse and handed the worker a $5 bill, the report said. As the employee opened the cash register, the robber pulled a handgun from the purse and mumbled something she couldn’t understand, the report said. The employee started screaming for someone to call 911.

“I guess I kind of panicked,” she said. “I hit the floor.”

The robber fled without trying to take any money from the register. He got away, but he left behind the $5 as well as the doughnuts, according to the report. The case is under investigation, according to Col. John Fortunato, spokesman for the Sheriff’s Office.

Wood + Glue + Engineering Genius=Awesome!

MacGyver has nothing on this guy.

If You Want To See A Young Lady Lick Everything In A Hotel Room

Just remember this the next time you go to a hotel.

If You Have Ever Thought You Have Done Some Stupid Things While Drunk

This guy has you beat.

A drunken man broke into a small airport and tried to fill up his car’s gas tank with jet fuel, police said.

Police arrested Justin Rodebush, 20, on Sunday night for driving while intoxicated and attempted theft.

He probably wasn’t trying to save money. The aviation fuel in the pumps used for aircraft and race cars, was going for $5.97 a gallon, accessed by a credit card, authorities said.

Ho Hum. Another Day, Another Drunk and Naked Politician Getting Arrested.

That’s true. But this guy had some weapons grade awesome going on with this story.

According to court records, police say Stepanek drove under the influence of marijuana in Lincoln on May 29, 2007. Police said he was seen naked at a convenience store near South 27th Street buying a pop, then later at the Sid Dillon car lot, before getting into his car again and driving it into a light pole.

Stepanek had argued he wasn’t under the influence of anything that day; he was experiencing a mental psychosis because of several setbacks.

If You Enjoy Seeing Brady Quinn Wearing Tights

Today is your lucky day. Here he is on the left, while the real starter (Derek Anderson) is on the right.