I’m On Vacation!

See you Sunday!

If You Drive A Lawnmower Drunk

Why not go all out?

Jerold Earhart, 29, of the Bay Shore area, had a blood-alcohol level of 0.441 percent. A driver is presumed intoxicated at 0.08 percent.

Sheriff’s deputies were called around 11:30 p.m. Saturday to a report of a crash involving a riding lawnmower at Townline and Charlevoix roads.

Witnesses told police that Earhart earlier appeared to be slumped over the wheel of the mower as it went in circles in the intersection. He appeared to regain control at one point, but passed out again and was thrown to the ground. The mower continued until it struck a tree and lawn ornament. A witness shut off the engine.

Police said Earhart appeared to be drunk, and had suffered minor injuries in the fall. During questioning at the scene, he could not recall operating the mower. He was taken to a hospital before being taken to Charlevoix County Jail.

If You Have Ever Done Anything Zany To Get Tickets To A Game

Eating a bug would be high on the list.

The Mallards hosted Beetle Eating Night at the Duck Pond at Warner Park, in which the first 250 people to eat a dead beetle received a free ticket to the ballpark’s all-you-can-eat-and-drink Duck Blind party deck — a $30 value.

If You Want To See A Baseball Player Grab Another Guy’s Package

Today is your lucky day.

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If You Are An Ohio State Fan

Carson Palmer hates you.

Here is the money quote from the Fanhouse Article

It’s amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I gotta put up with being back there.

If You Want To Use A Carp To Clean Your Feet

You are not alone.

“This is a good treatment for everyone who likes to have nice feet,” Ho said.

He said he wanted to come up with something unique while finding a replacement for pedicures that use razors to scrape off dead skin. The razors have fallen out of favor with state regulators because of concerns about whether they’re sanitary.

Ho was skeptical at first about the fish, which are called garra rufa but typically known as doctor fish. They were first used in Turkey and have become popular in some Asian countries.

But Ho doubted they would thrive in the warm water needed for a comfortable footbath. And he didn’t know if customers would like the idea.

“I know people were a little intimidated at first,” Ho said. “But I just said, ‘Let’s give it a shot.’ “

Customers were quickly hooked.

Tracy Roberts, 33, of Rockville, Md., heard about it on a local radio show. She said it was “the best pedicure I ever had” and has spread the word to friends and co-workers.

“I’d been an athlete all my life, so I’ve always had calluses on my feet. This was the first time somebody got rid of my calluses completely,” she said.

If You Plan On Drinking Heavily And Car Surfing On The Interstate

Prepare for some pain.

New Jersey State Police and medic crews responded to the scene in the northbound lanes of I-295, just north of the 42 freeway, around 10:15 Sunday night.
The victim was transported to Cooper University Hospital.
Police are trying to figure out if the man was car surfing or just jumped out of the car.

If A Really Big Postal Worker Wants To Wear A Kilt While On Duty

Let him do it, mand. Let him do it.

But the 6-foot-tall, 250-pound mail carrier from Lacey, Wash., doesn’t worry about anyone questioning his virility, or ogling his bare knees. He just wants to feel as free as a woman wearing a skirt.

“A lot of people think I’m crazy,” said Peterson, 48, who became a mail carrier after retiring from the Air Force eight years ago. “This is important to me – I just want to be comfortable. I just want the option.”

As some 10,000 mail carriers gather in Boston this week for the 66th biennial convention of the National Association of Letter Carriers, Peterson is on a one-man mission to persuade his colleagues to approve a change in their strictly regulated uniforms. He has proposed a resolution to allow mailmen to wear kilts, which he calls a Male Unbifurcated Garment, or MUG.

Over the past few weeks, he says he has spent the $1,800 he received as part of the federal government’s stimulus package to send about 1,000 letters and photographs of a mockup of the new uniform to postal union branches in every state, as well as Guam and Puerto Rico.

If You Want To Know If Donkeys Can Help Your Sex Drive

Today is your lucky day.

To date, the company has been sourcing these skins from South America, but has recently turned its attention to Australia.

Sydney-based exporter John Fleming wants to hunt feral donkeys in the Northern Territory to sell overseas.

“They want the skins, but not for leather. Apparently there is a certain extract in the skin they can use for traditional medicine,” he said.

Chinese traditional healers are known to use donkey skins to extract Ejiao. This extract can be used to make Nu Bao, a traditional Chinese medicine which is meant to improve vitality, increase a woman’s libido and help with period pain.

“They’re after a lot of donkey skins. As much as they can get their hands on,” Mr Fleming said.

If You Want Your Dog To Join The British Special Forces

Today is your lucky day.

Fearless German Shepherds are being trained to jump from aircraft at 25,000ft wearing their own oxygen masks and strapped to special forces assault teams.

Once down in hostile terrain in Iraq or Afghanistan, the dogs will be sent in first to seek out insurgents’ hideouts with tiny cameras fixed to their heads.

The cameras will beam live TV pictures back to the troops, warning of ambushes or showing enemy leaders’ locations.

The amazing tactic – on which The Sun has been fully briefed – has been devised to cut down the Who Dares Wins regiment’s soaring casualty rates.