If You Want To “Relax” In A Park

Umm…just don’t.

Fort Pierce Police officers saw Nicodeme Petion sitting in the driver’s seat with his pants open, belt unbuckled with a sock over his genital area, according to a police report. Before police contact with Petion, a family with young children walked past his 1994 green Chevy Caprice and the mother looked inside the car and quickly ran over and picked up her child to escort them pass Petion’s vehicle, according to a police report.

Petion told officers he was “just relaxing in the park” and that his pants were open because he was “hot,” according to a police report.

Also, officers found a black and red book bag with 11 condoms, a pamphlet on STD awareness, Latina babes pornographic magazine, two white ankle socks and one black sock with possible seminal secretions.

Naked Women’s Wrestling Vs. Carmen Electra. Who Ya Got?

Well, it seems the courts have sided with the naked women’s wrestlers.

The 36-year-old former “Baywatch” star, whose real name is Tara Patrick, filed her suit in Los Angeles County Court last Nov. 7. She claims NWWL bosses promised to pay her $400,000 for her appearances, but she only received $100,000.

Electra also alleges NWWL released DVDs that use her image, including “Twin Peaks,” “Operation Naked Storm,” “Tag Team Dream” and “Bush vs. Hussein,” without payment.

Today, Judge Mark V. Mooney granted a motion by the NWWL and other defendants in the case, including Erotic Wrestling Productions LLC, to require Electra’s lawyers to provide more details for their allegations of negligence, as well as for unfair competition and unfair business practices, if they want to keep them as part of the overall complaint.

If You Have Been Waiting For An Opera About Poker

Your wait is over.

Created by Tim Molyneux, with support from Phil Hellmuth and the World Series of Poker, this is the first poker-themed musical and the first musical to be developed in conjunction with a leading sports brand. Echoing the core values and fabric that makes up poker players, this new genre of entertainment is a first for Las Vegas.

The story of All In: The Poker Musical revolves around the final nine players at the Main Event of the World Series Of Poker and, just like in the real WSOP, these players come from all walks of life. These clearly identifiable characters sing songs that are interlaced with poker analogies, quotes, and situations that also apply to the game of life.

“Through the lyrics of the songs and style of music, we see not only who these final nine players are, but we are able to see ourselves, our families, and our world,” said Phil Hellmuth, the 11-time WSOP bracelet winner and international poker icon.

Molyneux is a world-renowned creator of large-scale production shows, including Bite, which celebrates its four-year anniversary on the Las Vegas Strip this August. He has worked with Dolly Parton, Playboy, Royal Caribbean Cruises, and is currently featured on E! Entertainment Television and the Lifetime Channel.

The one-hour concert during the WSOP will feature a live band, showgirls and such Broadway show veterans as Jimmy Lockett (Big River, The Music Of Andrew Lloyd Webber, Starlight Express, Cats); Reva Rice (Starlight Express, Smokey Joe’s Café, Fosse, Chicago, and Spamalot); and Brandon Nix (We Will Rock You).

If You Feel Like Walking Along A Highway Wearing Nothing But A Thong, Fake Breasts, And A Wig

Just tell the cops you were collecting aluminum cans.

Police said they received several calls about the man, which prompted an hour-long search over the weekend.

Police said they found the suspect Saturday fully clothed and collecting cans behind a business in Manchester. Police said they also found a wig and fake breasts in the man’s car.

I Found One Thing That Cubs And White Sox Fans Agree On

Namely, beating the hell out of an annoying fan.

If You Want Fly From Australia To Chile

Try another airline besides Lan Chile.

The airline made international headlines last year when flaming pieces of a re-entering satellite came within five nautical miles (9.2km) of an Airbus A340 travelling from Santiago to Auckland and Sydney.

And last week, lightning punched a hole in the nose of a Lan Chile Airbus carrying almost 300 people as it approached Auckland from Sydney. A New Zealand report quoted a witness as saying the strike caused a hole “the size of a dinner plate”, although the plane landed safely.

The plane was among four aircraft struck by lightning last Wednesday as New Zealand was hammered by almost 15,000 strikes in 24 hours. An Aerolineas Argentinas plane was also damaged and two Air New Zealand aircraft were struck but emerged unscathed.

Experts estimate each commercial airliner is struck by lightning once or twice a year. While it can sometimes leave a burn mark, it is unusual for lightning to punch through the skin of a modern jet.

Yet Another Casualty Of High Gas Prices

This time, it’s the legal brothels in Nevada.

“We’re being affected by the economy like everybody else,” Arnold said. “Times are tougher … and truckers have less money to spend. They’re not high-rollers anymore.” Diesel fuel costs roughly $4.70 a gallon, up 67.5 percent from a year ago, according to the U.S. Department of Energy.

Of Nevada’s 28 legal brothels, 16 are located in rural areas that are being hurt by truckers’ higher diesel costs, Arnold said.

Whorehouses closer to Reno and Las Vegas, which rely more on tourists and conventioneers, say business is up this year.

In response to a 5 percent drop in business, the Shady Lady Ranch along U.S. 95 about 150 miles north of Las Vegas plans to offer $50 gas cards to clients who spend $300 and $100 gas cards to those who spend $500.

If You Want To Wear A Bacon Tuxedo

Today is your lucky day.

To add pork fat to injury, the Bacon-Patterned, Bacon-Scented Tuxedo can only be dry-cleaned. One can only wonder if the scent goes through changes after dry cleaning chemicals are applied to the cloth, creating perhaps a weird amalgam of scents that might attract even new and different wildlife!

But just think of the advantages of owning one of these Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned tuxedos! Now you can get married in bacon, get confirmed or graduate in bacon and even attend the Oscars in bacon if that is your heart’s desire. (If you happen to be popular actor, Kevin Bacon, it might work, but if you are anyone else…well, you know.) Each Bacon-Scented, Bacon-Patterned Tuxedo is tailored from chemically treated latex print fabric and is available in one of four sizes (dumb, dumber, dumber still and off the charts dumb).

If You Love Naked Sushi

Clearwater, FL is the place for you.

Illuminated by an overhead light, Keir, 35, places bamboo leaves covered with bright sushi rolls on her nearly naked body. First on her right upper leg, then her left thigh and, finally, her chest.

A line of customers, almost 30 deep, waits in eager anticipation for the free sushi and the accompanying show.

A glittering disco ball above him spins as a mixture of hip-hop, techno and club music pulsates through the Dirty Martini.

Two women dressed in skimpy school girl outfits dance on either side of the model, gyrating with serpentine skill.

Clutching metal tongs, Keir plucks a piece of sushi from a long narrow leaf, then places it onto a small, black plastic plate held by a patron.

Welcome to naked sushi.

If You Want To Read Old Autopsy Reports From England

You are in luck. Famous British pathologist Sir Bernard Spilsbury are up for sale.

What are some of the highlights?

“He was known as someone who could open a coffin, take a sniff and say `arsenic’ – and he was also also a very good witness on the stand.”

The dry shampoo death took place in 1909 and concerned one Helen Elphinston-Dalrymple, who had booked an appointment in a salon at Harrods in Knightsbridge.

Ten years later he recorded the strange case of a 72 year old widower who popped into a London pub for a whisky and was given a drink by two men which burnt his mouth.

The unfortunate man had been given hydrochloric acid which burnt through his stomach wall and he died in agony in hospital two days later after telling doctors his story.