If You Have An AK-47 Laying Around

Try to do better than this guy.

If You Think A Book Has Screwed Up The World

You may be right. Here are ten of them.

If You Set Up Speed Limit Signs

Try to do better than these guys.

Mr Lantsberry, a retired teacher who has lived on the road for 55 years with his wife, added: “We were told last year that the street was going to get speed limits, but now to get two different signs is inexplicable.”

Manchester City Council has admitted that a mistake was made installing the signs, which were intended to reduce the speed limit in the road from 30mph to 20mph.

A spokesman for Manchester City Council said: “We are aware that a mistake has been made in the mounting of the signs and it will be rectified as soon as possible.”

Wow. Saudi Woman Dumps Her Husband Because He Lifts Her Veil.

It turns out he had never seen her face before.

A 50-year-old Saudi woman asked for divorce after her husband lifted her face veil while she was sleeping, local press reported.

For 30 years, the wife said she never showed her face to her husband in conformity with the tradition of her native village near the south western Saudi city of Khamis Mushayt.

“After all these years, he tries to commit such a big mistake,” the wife told Saudi newspaper Al-Riyadh, after she left the house in total disbelief.

She said the husband apologized and promised never to do it again.

This is not the first case of husbands who have not seen their wives’ faces in decades.

Dude. I mean, Duuuuuudddee!

More Information On That Canadian Guy Surviving The Bear Attack

And, thankfully, this guy lived.

“He’s eating my gristle and he’s gnawing on my head. I was saying, ‘He’s eating my brains. I can feel it.’ I know it’s happening and I said, ‘God! I hope it gets over soon’” he said.

“I said, ‘I’m too young to die. I don’t want to die,’ and then he stopped.”

The bear suddenly seemed to have enough and pushed him into the mud, still grunting and snorting, Case said.

The bear then moved off after the attack. With the grizzly only metres away, Case said he carefully made his way to his nearby truck.

If You Want To Get An Englishman To Eat An Oreo Cookie

Good luck.

My impromptu taste test in Leicester Square is now attracting the attention of puzzled passersby giving us weird looks.

Ms. Woodward’s verdict is that the Oreo is “too … damp.”

I tell her that, according to the ads, it should be “dunked” before eaten.

“In tea?” she asks. (Dipping biscuits – we Brits call all cookies “biscuits’ – in a steaming hot cup of tea is an almost sacred ritual here.)

“No, in milk,” I reply.

“Milk?! A biscuit dipped in milk? Who does that?”

“Apparently Americans do,” I explain.

“Well, let them,” she say dismissively. “I won’t be doing it anytime soon.” And with that, she disappears into a throng of pedestrians, nonplussed by what has been labeled here as “America’s Favorite Cookie.”

And yet the Brits will still eat Spotted Dick.

If Your Mom Gets You In Trouble With Your Little League Team

You are not alone.

If You Want To Hear About Drag Queens And Crime

Today is your lucky day.

“By looking at the vehicle pull up, we can tell that’s a pickup,” WDSU crime and safety specialist Howard Robertson said. “And if you look at the rims — you know that’s not a Ford or GM. The other thing I wanted to look at was whether he got out the driver’s or passenger’s door to see if he had an accomplice, somebody who was driving his vehicle when he left. But he got out the driver’s side.”

Robertson said the thief is probably a genuine cross-dresser because his necklace matched the dress, his nails appeared to be painted and the wig was well made.

“Most of the time when somebody puts on a wig they’re just trying to hide their identity by putting on something like a Halloween mask, but he’s pretty,” Robertson said.

Robertson said he was surprised the thief didn’t cover his face, though he said it doesn’t matter in this case.

“There’s a strong possibility that this person is a cross-dresser and someone in that community will know this guy, especially if they see him on the TV, someone will know him,” Robertson said.

If You Steal A Canoe

At least know how to use it.

Christopher Mayo, 22, and two friends — brothers Robert, 15, and Edward Geib, 17, — were drinking when they took a fiberglass canoe from a home on the east side of Lake Waunatta, friends and deputies said. About 200 feet offshore, the three spilled into the water, said Deputy Carlos Padilla, a sheriff’s spokesman.

The Geib brothers were rescued by a resident who heard them screaming for help in the dark. Mayo, who was not a strong swimmer, drowned in water 4 to 6 feet deep, Padilla said.

It took nearly 12 hours and three dive teams to recover Mayo’s body from the murky waters. Deputies found the man’s flip-flop shoes and the small craft before locating him.