If You Want To Know What Terrell Owens (Or At Least Some Guy Who Looks Like Him) Is Doing This Offseason

The guys at KSK may have an idea.

If You Want To See If Yankees Fans Get Along With Red Sox Fans

I think you already know the answer. But here is some video goodness.

If You See An Old Man Riding A Scooter On The Highway

Call the police.

“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” said Stuart Hopley, a motorist.

“The old guy was tootling along at about 4mph, with everybody else doing 70mph and beeping at him.

“It’s quite amusing to think about it now, but at the time the consequences could have been horrific.”

Colroado Football Just Found A New Running Back

But the academic part might be a bit too tough, even for a college football player.
And here he is in action:

If You Plan On Breaking Into A Person’s House

OK. By now, you know that I wouldn’t pick a story such as this unless it had a good dose of Teh Crazee. So, take your pick for what the burglar encountered:
a) A guy who is blind.
b) A guy who was a wrestler in high school.
c) A guy who was blind, AND a wrestler in high school.

And here is the answer.

Kieta, 49, who is legally blind, was a wrestler during his school years and used his skills to grapple with the suspect.

“I had him pinned in the laundry room and just kept pummeling,” Kieta said.

The suspect became disoriented and Kieta said he grabbed him by the belt and dragged him into the kitchen. Kieta then grabbed a kitchen knife and held it at the suspect’s throat.

Kieta fumbled to dial 911 with his other hand.

“Being visually impaired, I couldn’t get the buttons because I was using my left hand,” he said. “It took me about 20 tries.”

If You Pump Gas Into An Imaginary Vehicle

Don’t be surprised if you get arrested.
And something tells me he was not in his right frame of mind.

Officers searched Moore and found “two large baggies” of marijuana and a large amount of Ecstasy. Police said Moore also had a cell phone and a large amount of money, which they said was indicative of trafficking.

Police said that more narcotics were located on Moore when he was being booked into Metro Corrections.

Yup!

If You Want To See Hot Women Wearing Bikinis While Bowling

Here you go.
Don’t worry! pictures are probably safe for work, but you are on your own and I take no responsibility.

If You Want To Use The Company Expense Account For Hookers

Don’t work for this German Bank.

According to Spiegel, the new edict was aimed at senior staff in the bank’s communications and social responsibility department.

The memo further warns that the bank’s credit cards must not be used for such purposes.

Whether the ruling was prompted by a recent upsurge in executives seeking erotic relief from subprime deals that have gone bad was not specified.

Further belt-tightening at the bank includes prior approval from a boss before a taxi can be taken, a limit of £50 on a business meal and train rides in Germany must all be second class if they are under one hour.

In the UK, the rule for bank employees is second class unless the journey is over two hours.

If You Want A Python To Eat You

Just do what this genius did.

Teresa Rossiter had reached into a cage Thursday to show the huge snake to a customer when it bit her right hand and coiled around her left arm to throw her to the floor.

A friend who happened to be at the store kept the snake off her neck and body while police were called. And when Sgt. Ryan Nelson rushed into the store, he was ready to kill the snake with his knife.

If You Have A Dispute Over How To Make Shepherd’s Pie

Don’t let it reach the violent stage.

He spent a night in the cells in Blackburn, Lancs, where the pair lived in flats opposite each other. He admitted a breach of the peace, and was bound over to keep the peace for 12 months in the sum of £200.

Catherine Allen, prosecuting, said the brothers had been drinking before Michael embarked on culinary duties.

She said: “The argument started because there were no tomatoes on the top of the shepherd’s pie that Michael had made for their tea and John thought this was wrong.”

John swore at his brother and then said he was going to petrol bomb Michael’s flat, the prosecutor said.

This had frightened his brother, as John had previously set fire to his own flat, the court heard.

Liz Parker, defending, said : “My client does not accept the remark about petrol bombing.

“What he does say is that Michael hit him over the head with a shovel and there was a lot of trouble over very little.”