If You Want To See A Drunken Cubs Fan Fall Out Of The Bleachers

Here is your opportunity.

And for no good reason, here is a video of a Cubs fan hanging around the Wrigley Field Urinals:

Ho Hum! Another Guy Getting Kicked In The Nuts!

Ummm….

Thanks to these guys.

If You See A Guy Urinating On Other Fans During A Hockey Game

You must live in Boston.

Quote the Barstool Sports Guys:

This report left out one very important detail. Was Walter pissing on the Canadian fans or fellow Bruins fans? My guess is that he had to be urinating on the Hab contingency right? That kind of changes things a bit. I mean the Montreal fans boo the National Anthem and the Boston fans piss on you. Which is worse? You tell me.

Today Is Jackie Robinson Day

And here are 42 facts about him.

If You Have Been Warned To Stop Watering Your Snowbanks

You must live in Quebec.

The city has sent out a statement reminding people that they could face a $150 fine if they are caught using the garden hose to make snow melt faster.

Quebec City received 5.5 metres of snow over the winter, smashing the city’s previous record by nearly a metre.

The city acknowledged in a statement that some Quebecers may be exasperated by the massive snowfall.

But the city also reminded residents that treating water costs money and should not be wasted.

If You Want To Be Naked And Brandish A Weapon At A Hotel

Don’t be shocked if you get arrested.

The man, who is in his 50s, then attempted to climb over the front counter of the reception desk with the .45 caliber gun in his hand, Cagle said. Officer Ed Young was the first to respond. He entered the hotel and located the man, who was still in the reception area. Young drew his gun on the man and commanded him to lie down, Cagle said, and the man complied.

The man was intoxicated and would be cited for disorderly conduct because he did not point the gun at anybody, Cagle said.

Claire McCaskill Doesn’t Know Where She Is From

In her defense of Sen. Obama, she made the following statement:

“I remember the dog days right after Al Gore won that election, and I remember one of your members coming up for me, and he said well you know I guess it could be worse, that guys seems like he’d be a good guy to have a beer with,” McCaskill said. “You know I know something about drinking beer, because I’m from St. Louis – we drink a lot of beer in St. Louis and not just for the TV cameras – we drink a lot of beer in St. Louis. But I’ll tell you, his beer that we’ve had with George Bush has been the most expensive beer in the world’s history. This is a beer we can’t afford to drink anymore.”

Whatever. But the humorous aspect of this quote is that she is not from St. Louis. She was born in Rolla, MO, and made her name in Kansas City, MO.

Will the Media call her on this?

If You Are Wanting A Long-Term Relationship With A Robot

Count this guy out.

I don’t see why we shouldn’t form deep bonds with other conscious beings if they are capable of communicating with us, empathising with us, and being physically intimate with us.

Unfortunately this argument is entirely useless in practice because I can’t accept Levy’s sublimely optimistic view that we will be able to create such artificial intelligences within a 20-50 year time scale. In fact, I’m not sure we’ll ever manage it.

I don’t have any philosophical objection to the idea of ‘machine brains’, I just think that creating them will always be beyond our human capabilities.

The AI research community has spent fifty years and billions of dollars to give us fragile systems that can play chess but do not understand why someone might ever want to do so.

I believe that this will always be the case and that ’strong AI’ with human-level intelligence or above will simply not happen.

If You Want To Imitate Santa By Sliding Down A Chimney

Don’t. Just don’t.

The 20-year-old was discovered wedged in a garbage chute, reports local media in the ski resort town of Åre in northwestern Sweden.

“He was able to get his head and shoulders through, but then he got stuck. He was dangling there when the sister, who wasn’t home at the time, returned about fifteen minutes later,” said Bengt Larsson, an emergency worker with the Åre fire department, to the TT news agency.

“I couldn’t help but laugh,” chuckled Larsson.

If You Always Thought German Wine Was Lousy

You are correct.

The news-magazine show conducted tests that revealed three of six red and white wines were impure, and added sugar and acids could not be ruled out.

“In at least three of the tests, the water content was below the average expected for authentic wine,” said Andreas Rossman, from Isolab, the firm that tested the wine.