If You Think Women Won’t Have Side Effects From Taking Steroids

Think again.

Her lawyer, Ethan Balogh, has argued that her testimony was technically true in part because the designer steroids she obtained weren’t illegal at the time.

Prosecutors have called Thomas a “hard-core” steroid user who underwent a physical transformation while using banned drugs. On Monday, a Colorado endocrinologist who examined Thomas in 2000 said the cyclist’s use of the steroid depo-testosterone had caused “severe virilization.”

Thomas had a deep voice, full beard, chest hair and even signs of male pattern baldness, Dr. Margaret Weirman testified.

In court Wednesday, McVay said he barely recognized Thomas as the woman whose drug test he had supervised six years ago. Today, she is a slender woman with long black hair.

The woman he remembered was “a lot larger, about 50 pounds heavier,” McVay testified.

Here is a photo of what she looked like in her prime:

Photo courtesy of these guys.

Hockey Mascots Are Awesome

Just look at what the Tampa Bay Mascot does.

If You Want To Attend WrestleMania

Try not to get hit by the fireworks.

If You Want To Read About A Washed Up NFL Player Getting Arrested

Here is today’s version, starring Kenyatta Jones.

Sadly, it appears the public urination thing didn’t actually happen (or did it?). Instead, Jones was officially charged with “battery on a law enforcement officer, obstruction and trespassing.”

If You Think You Can Get Away With Using Fake $20 Bills At A Nudie Club

You are sadly mistaken.

Club workers said they noticed the poor quality of the bills and called police. Ramirez was still there when they arrived.

He was told to empty his pockets containing 5 more bogus $20’s, according to police.

An officer said the bills were of poor quality and obviously fake. He said 6 of the bills had the same serial number.

If You Want To Know If The Formula 1 Car Racing Boss Is A Pervert

He is.

The multi-millionaire son of Sir Oswald, who was a pal of Adolf Hitler, plays a concentration camp commandant in a FIVE-HOUR torture chamber video.

Mosley—the most powerful man in motor-racing—barks orders in German as he WHIPS two hookers dressed in striped uniforms reminiscent of AUSCHWITZ garb while girls in Nazi uniforms look on.

At one point the wrinkled 67-year-old—who publicly likes to give the impression he has put his father’s evil legacy behind him—yells “she needs more of ze punishment!” while brandishing a LEATHER STRAP over a brunette’s naked bottom.

Then the lashes rain down as Mosley counts them out in German: “Eins! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Fünf! Sechs!”

With each blow, the girl yelps in pain as grinning, grey-haired Mosley becomes clearly aroused. And after the beating, he makes her perform a sex act on him.

Did You Celebrate Earth Hour Saturday?

Neither did I. But it appears this guy did.

8:31 – Go inside to take a shit. Realize I have no toilet paper, either on the roll or under the sink, but I do have a whole can of hairspray. I fumble through the wastebasket hoping to find a partially used tissue that I might have either bled on or blown my nose on, something that still has enough life that it could withstand one good wipe of the ass. I immediately abandon this plan when I realize that I would be, in fact, recycling.

8:36 – Cell phone rings, but I’m stuck on the shitter, so I can’t answer it.

8:40 – Finally suck it up and wipe ass with a picture of Kate Bosworth ripped out of Marie Claire. I mutter something sexual and unclever during the act. Flush toilet several times to make sure paper doesn’t clog the toilet.

8:42 – Fuck, the toilet did clog. Plunger time!

Keith Richards Granted An Interview

I stole this interview from Ace’s site.

Let’s talk about Fiji. You had to be trepanned—you had a hole drilled into your skull.
Yeah, yeah.

So what was that like?
It was a trifle weird, lying on a gurney on Vicodin, and I’d been there like ten days by then, and they were going through the motions, and by this time I’d got to know this doctor pretty well. He said, “Now you’re stabilized; you can now fly to Manhattan or London, because you’re gonna need an operation. That stuff needs to be drained out of your head.” And I said, “I ain’t goin’ nowhere! We’re doing it now! Here. I ain’t goin’ through all of that and traveling and flying.” But I said to the anesthetist, “Listen, it’s pretty hard to put me out.” [laughs]

Did you have strange dreams after?
The first six months, I was a little off-balance…a little less patience with some of my friends. [laughs] But basically, no. It was like going in for a broken rib. I’ve done all the ribs. I’ve done the head. There’s nothing else left to break. [laughs] Doctors all over the world want my body when it finally goes.

Thanks to Ace.

If You Want A Status Update On German “Adult” Stores

One word: Shrinkage.

Last year however, it also plunged to a net loss of €13.2 million, from a profit of €10 million one year earlier, after business was “significantly affected by restructuring expenses,” the company said in a statement.

“This medicine no doubt tasted a little bitter, but I am convinced that it will make Beate Uhse fit for the future,” boss Otto Christian Lindemann was quoted as saying.

He has been reorganizing the group’s distribution network, based on stores and mail order sales, which has suffered from a drop in its traditional clientele.

Sales of pornographic movies in particular have been hit by Internet-based competition.

Beate Uhse now wants to attract more women and couples to redesigned stores that sell lingerie and sex toys, and said that a “second shop concept – fun centers located in business parks and at motorway junctions” – would target a predominantly male clientele interested in “erotic entertainment in the form of films and cinemas.”

If You Are A Swedish Criminal Who Enjoys Flashing People

Try not to bite a police officers.

The 23-year-old suspect, from Mark in western Sweden, was indicted on a string of charges following a day of concentrated criminal activity last summer.

The day began with the alleged theft of a carton of milk.

Having met his calcium needs, the man proceeded to punch a woman in the shoulder on Örbyvägen before threatening to take her life.

Moving on to Torkelsgatan, he then exposed himself to two people.

It was not long until police made an arrest, but not before the suspect attempted to bite an officer on the hand.