Want To Cut A Tomato?

Here is what it looks like.

If You Need A Place To Store A Gun

An oven is not the best idea.

Anthony Smith, 24, was charged with two counts of endangering the life of a child and one count of unlawful use of a weapon, after the two boys, 4 and 12, were wounded when the gun went off as the oven was being heated.

The sister of the two boys was cooking at the stove at 3:55 p.m. Friday at a home in the 4800 block of South Racine Avenue, when she heard loud noises coming from it, police said. The sister heard the 4-year-old boy cry out and saw blood coming from his leg, and the older boy was hit in the head with flying debris.

If You Want A Unique Way To Get To A Hospital

A horse is a good idea.

A spokesman for the hospital said a man called the hospital and said he was going to ride his father’s horse into the hospital, where his father was a patient.

“He proceeded to take the horse up the elevator up to the nursing floor where he was met by security and our nurse supervisor,” said the spokesman.

And what would compel the man to do this?

The man, who appeared intoxicated at the time, posed for pictures with the horse and an off-duty nurse.

Intoxicated? Surely you jest!
And what was the end result?

The animal was escorted out of the building after the man’s father claimed the horse wasn’t his.

“We do have a pet visitation policy, but it does not include a horse,” said the spokesman. “Although it sounds funny, we don’t want to compromise our visitor and our patient healthcare.”

Fascists!

If You Think You Have A Unique Excuse For Speeding

This guy has you beat.

A state trooper who stopped the 1993 BMW says its driver, 28-year-old Justin Vonkummer of Millerton, N.Y., blamed the driving problems on an errant Oreo.

Police say Vonkummer told the trooper that an Oreo had just slipped from his fingers as he dunked it in a cup of milk, and that he was trying to fish it out when he lost control of his car.

The alleged incident occurred last fall in Salisbury, but came to light in Bantam Superior Court this week.

That’s when prosecutors learned Vonkummer had been charged with speeding and driving under a suspended license—not driving under the influence, as a clerk had mistakenly noted in the court records.

If You Want To Know How Beijing Is Preparing For The Olympics

Be assured that they are doing what is possible to control the vermin population.

Beijing was confident of preventing and controlling outbreaks of pests during the Games, having hired U.S. experts and set up a “citywide surveillance network”, Zeng Xiaotong, a disease control official under China’s Ministry of Health, told the China Daily.

“Since 2005, the Beijing Loving-Motherland Sanitation Movement Committee has called on sanitation workers and Beijing residents to kill pests and improve hygiene,” Zeng said.

“These efforts have broadly paid off,” he said.

And I am certain that the Chinese plan on treating cockroaches in the same fashion as Tibet.

Shovels! They Aren’t Just For Digging!

They can be used as robbery tools.

Saturnino Nunez was hit in the back with a shovel during the fight by one of the friends of Catherine Allex, 29, but managed to call to six of his friends who were hanging out inside his home and came to his aid, the Press of Atlantic City reports.

Thankfully, the robber was arrested.

Normally, I Would Not Write About Identity Theft

But this asshole stole a veteran’s identity and tried to live a new life for twenty four years.

Mark Mulcahy, 46, faces felony charges of identity theft, forgery and criminal impersonation. He was being held in the Garfield County jail Friday in lieu of $45,000 bail. It wasn’t known whether he had an attorney.

Mulcahy obtained a military retirement document in 1984 in the name of David Keith Anderson of Modesto, Calif., according to an arrest warrant affidavit.

Anderson, also known as David Ronayne, died in a bicycle accident in 2006, the affidavit says.

It wasn’t clear if Mulcahy had ever served in the military.

The affidavit says Mulcahy lived under Anderson’s name in New Castle, 130 miles west of Denver, and used his identity to have surgery at no charge at the Veterans Affairs hospital in Denver. The upper gastric hernia surgery cost $6,296.

If You Want To Play With Cats But Are Unable To At Home

Japan (go figure) has a solution.

Calico in Kichijoji, western Tokyo, is one such cat cafe, and it attracts many cat lovers.

At the cafe, which has 19 cats, customers pay 800 yen for the first hour, not including drinks. Although that is more costly than visiting a normal cafe, the cafe is so popular that it is sometimes hard to get in without making a reservation on weekends and national holidays.

A 22-year-old female college student who visited Calico for the first time said: “This is just like having my own cat as a pet at home. They have a soothing effect on me.”

The growing popularity of cat cafes reflects Tokyo’s housing situation, with pet ownership banned at many of the city’s rental apartments.

“In Tokyo, many people are not allowed to have cats [at home] even if they want to do so,” Calico’s owner Takafumi Fukui said.

In addition to cat cafes, a video clip showing cats sleeping in a pot was viewed by a huge number of people after it was posted on an online video-sharing site.

Sometimes, Winning The Lottery Can Be A Bad Thing

Just ask this guy.

George and Alice Wass insisted they had disproved claims they were related when they fell for each other at an emotional meeting in 1983.

But the £5.3million lottery winners’ tangled love life was unravelled when the Mirror yesterday confronted them with records that showed they shared the same mum, Margaret Wass.

Alice, 61, who lives in a caravan on a rubbish tip with George said: “This is all coming out now. What am I supposed to do?

“If I’m getting you right, we’ve got the same mother but different fathers. You have learnt a lot more than I have.” George, 63, walked out on his wife Mabel and their three children after he met widowed Alice.

Mabel said last night: “He was always nicknamed Crazy George so it was no real surprise when he did something like this.”

If You Want To Get Beat Up At Disney World

Just cut in line at the Magic Tea Cups Ride.

Walker, an Alabama native, could face 15 years behind bars if convicted of battery with a deadly weapon.

Krause has now filed additional charges claiming her children were also attacked.

“She came from behind just screaming,” Krause told MyFOXOrlando. “Next thing I knew she kicked me in my left leg, threw me to the ground and at that point I was pinned between the teacup and the saucer and she continued to beat up on my body.”

In the incident report, Krause claimed Walker tried to choke her with a lanyard she wore to hold water bottles around her neck, MyFOXOrlando reports.

During a deposition Monday, Walker declined to accept a plea deal that would have given her a one-year jail sentence.