Today’s Moronfest Linkdump Thingy

Thanks, as always, to sinistar.

If You Want A Stripper At Your Funeral

Just live to be 100.

Cai Ruigong says he promised his father a stripper for his funeral if he lived beyond the age of 100. Cai Jinlai passed away at the age of 103 after a three mile walk into town to vote. He was the oldest person in his village and had more than 100 descendants. His son said his father was famous locally for his interest in strip clubs: “He would travel around the island with his friends to see these shows,” he added. ananova

I Feel Like Riding On A Ferry In The Middle Of The North Sea

If You Want To Build An Assisted Suicide Establishment

These folks have a good idea where to build it.

Karl Rütsche, a spokesman for Schwerzenbach council, said it was not happy when it heard Dignitas had settled in its community but was powerless to act. ‘Of course, as a council we tried to stop them moving here and we fought the Dignitas decision tooth and nail. We didn’t want the country’s biggest sex club and largest death factory side-by-side on our doorstep.’ He added: ‘Having lost the battle to keep them away at least we can say that – on a positive note – everyone now knows where Schwerzenbach is. And as far as I know there have never been any complaints from any of the people living here, never mind a petition or protest action. Now they have settled in, I have to admit Dignitas seems to be a very professional company.

‘As a resident, you don’t really notice what is happening. We estimate about 200 people a year will kill themselves there, but we won’t notice anything if we don’t have to register the deaths. We don’t have any hotels. I gather that isn’t a problem because Dignitas’s customers usually arrive on the day and go straight to the company’s offices.

‘The only problem ever is that Dignitas doesn’t advertise its presence – and a lot of people get lost and have to ask for directions. But there are 300 customers a day going to the brothel, so there is always someone around to ask.’

Ho-Hum! Another Naked Guy Getting Arrested.

Well, he also caused thousands of dollars of damage to a store and hotel.

Some office space at the resort was trashed and a forklift was driven into an interior wall, also damaging an overhead sewer pipe, authorities said.

Police said the man, whom they identified as Nicholas Hadzick, 28, of Freeland, then crossed the street and entered Darrenkamp’s in the Willow Valley Shopping Center, causing more destruction.

Joe Darrenkamp, company president, said Hadzick threw chairs, tossed a 300-pound pizza oven to the floor, as well as three scales, valued at about $7,000 each. Also damaged was a $90,000 meat-wrapping machine, several soda coolers and the windshield of a delivery truck.

The incident was captured on the market’s surveillance cameras, Darrenkamp said. He estimated the cost of the damage at about $40,000.

Police charged Hadzick with risking a catastrophe, criminal mischief, open lewdness, public drunkenness and related counts. He was being held in Lancaster County Prison on $200,000 bail.

If You Bust Some Guy For Pot Possession

Make sure you check for the giant alligators.

At 11:15 a.m., police went to Eric Windom’s apartment at the West View Apartments at 2600 Decoto Road. Inside, they arrested Windom, 30, on suspicion of marijuana cultivation, possession of a firearm and possession of a controlled substance, said Sgt. Raul Galindo, a Union City police spokesman.

And then there was the American Alligator.

The alligator was in an eight-foot aquarium tank, police said. The tank was filled about a third of the way with water, Galindo said, and it had a concrete platform so the alligator could walk to a dry surface.

Police called a fish and game warden, who determined that Windom did not have a permit for the alligator, Galindo said.

Police contacted the Oakland Zoo, who told the officers on scene how to handle the alligator. Union City and Fremont animal control and Union City police secured the animal and transported it to the Oakland Zoo, Galindo said

Man! Talk About A Unique Traffic Stop!

Usually, traffic stops are geared for drunk drivers. Not this time.

a hedgehog tried to cross their checkpoint.

Traffic was stopped and the animal was escorted across the road.

“His reason for crossing the road was not ascertained and he was not breath-tested,” Senior Sergeant Brett Calkin said.

About 80 drivers were stopped and breath-tested at the checkpoint, with four found to be over the limit.

If Your Friends Mention On The Radio That You Are Having A Party

Just hope gatecrashers don’t show up.

Hundreds of gatecrashers turned up at the family’s historic 21-bedroom Georgian manor home in Devon and caused thousands of dollars worth of damage after hearing details of the party on the radio.

Birthday girl Sarah Ruscoe, 17, had expected about 300 people to attend her party, but about 2000 ended up on her doorstep after one guest telephoned the a BBC announcer Peter Tong and asked him to do a “shout-out” to anyone who wanted to join the celebrations.

When the uninvited guests turned up, paintings were soon torn from the walls, windows and mirrors smashed and chandeliers and doors damaged.

The four bouncers hired by Sarah’s parents to police the party at their Bovey Tracey home had no chance of stopping the gatecrashers invading.

If You Want To Know How Police In Britain Are Getting Injured

At least half of the the injuries are from the cops accidentally shooting themselves.

Now, nearly half of all injuries caused by police shootings are the result of officers blasting themselves or a colleague, often during bungled training and demonstrations.

Since 2003, there have been seven incidents in which armed police injured themselves or a fellow officer due to the careless handling of a gun, compared to just four in the previous 12 years.

The disturbing statistics call into question the competence and training of the 6,700 officers authorised to carry firearms in the 43 police forces in England and Wales.

Recent incidents include a diplomatic protection officer shooting himself in the leg, and a sharpshooter who blew the top off his thumb. The details are revealed under the Freedom of Information Act.