If You Love Your Baseball Team

Just hope these guys aren’t your starters.

Which got us to thinking…as much as we bitch and moan about the Mets, you usually can’t complain much in a big market like New York. Chances are, your team is going to have a chance to be good. And, generally speaking come October, pitching makes champions. If you follow that general logic, a team’s opening day starter is a decent barometer of what lies in store for the upcoming season.

Couch Racing!

Moronic Criminals Linkfest

Dude has to be the worst bank robber ever.

Christopher Allen Koch, 28, of Mountain Top Road, Liberty, arrived at Citizens & Northern Bank, along Main Street in Liberty around 11:40 a.m. and sat inside his car in the bank’s parking lot for approximately 20 minutes, police said.

Apparently, Koch did not read the hours posted on the bank’s door. The bank closed at noon, according to the Citizens & Northern Bank Web site.

Police said he attempted to enter the bank at 12:01 p.m. — a minute too late.

Guess Koch didn’t see the employees inside, either. They got a license plate number so police could track him.

World’s worst purse snatcher.

Police said 20-year-old Angelo Trujillo tried to snatch 83-year-old Bernie Garcia’s purse as she pumped gas at the Smith’s on Cerrillos Road.

Garcia said when Trujillo grabbed her arm, she grabbed the gas nozzle and started squirting him with gasoline.

Police said Trujillo still dragged Garcia several yards before giving up because Garcia simply wouldn’t let go of her purse.

But Garcia said she doesn’t regret putting up a fight.

“I’ll fight again. If I have the strength that I had last night, I would fight them again,” she said.

Garcia said she did suffer a few bumps and bruises, but otherwise she said she is okay.

Morons try to rob a police station.

If You Want To Get Coffee At A Dunkin Donuts

At least wear some pants.

They say a Dunkin’ Donuts worker saw John Greco’s exposed genitals in the Feb. 27 stunt and then noted the make of his car and his license plate number.

Police say the 46-year-old Croton-on-Hudson resident was arrested last week and has been charged with misdemeanor public lewdness. He’s due in court March 27.

If You Are Looking For A Place To Celebrate Your 100th Birthday

Hooters may not be a bad idea.

Persinger doesn’t exactly fit the Hooters demographic, but so what? You don’t hit the 100 mark by paying strict attention to convention.

A boy born in the United States today can expect to live 75 years. When Persinger came along, the life expectancy was a hair under 50.

He’s different from most of the 40,000 centenarians in the United States. All but 6,000 are women.

“I don’t know how I did it,” he says. “Good living, I guess. A lot of good food. Steaks, fried potatoes. I sip a little Royal Crown now and then.”

Don’t get the wrong idea. He means Crown Royal.

Persinger lives by himself in a one-bedroom home near Merle Hay Mall. He gets plenty of help from his kids and their kids. They check in on him, give him a hand with the housework.

He does much of the cleaning and almost all of the cooking. He can be ornery when he finds a grease spot on the stove.

Persinger tells me it’s hard to beat his onion rings, chili, pancakes, meatballs and, of course, his famous fried mush.

I Get The Feeling Nicole Kidman Has Had Some Botox

And the British press is kind and understanding.

Dr Braun, who is based in Vancouver, dubbed “Hollywood North”, told the Australian cosmetic medicine conference on the Gold Coast in Queensland that he believed Kidman was “doing too much at the wrong time” with the drug, which works by paralysing muscles and softening the face.

“Nicole seems to get her Botox done two or three weeks before a big event so when she, for instance, goes up on stage to collect her Academy Award she looks frozen and strange,” Dr Braun said.

“She looks like a bat with too much of a brow lift, the middle of the brow’s been dropped, she’s crying when she accepts her Oscar but nothing is moving.

If You Want To Know How People View The Big Ten Basketball Scene

Check this analysis out.

If You Know Where The Cuban Soccer Team Is Right About Now

You know more than most people do right about now.

The initial players were discovered to have left the team hotel hours after earning a 1-1 draw with the United States in the Pre-Olympic tournament.

“Jose Manuel Miranda, Erlys Garcia Baro, Yenier Bermudez, Yordany Alvarez and Loanni Prieto left the hotel”, Raul Gonzalez, coach of the Cuban national team, told ESPN reporter Fernando Palomo.

On Wednesday night, Yendry Diaz told ESPN International on the phone that he and Eder Roldan had also left the team.

The missing men had not yet reported to authorities.

Zachary Mann, a spokesman for Customs and Border Protection, said it’s unlikely the agency will learn the men’s whereabouts until they come forward. The players likely would be granted political protection under the United States’ “wet foot, dry foot” policy that allows Cubans who reach U.S. soil to obtain asylum.

Miranda started at goalkeeper and Bermudez captained the team on Tuesday night, when Cuba was able to hold on for a surprise draw in Group A action.

Tampa police spokeswoman Andrea Davis said the agency had not received any missing persons reports from the team, and officers were not called to the team’s hotel to investigate the disappearances.

If You Want To Keep The Glastonbury Festival Going

Make sure the cows don’t eat the tent pegs.

Dairy farmer Mr Eavis said he had feared for the future of the event after discovering his cows dead.

Mr Eavis, who refused to say how many of his herd of 360 had been killed, said: “The problem has been getting so bad in recent years I really began to worry about the future of the farm.

“Thousands of pegs are left in the ground and they cause horrific damage to my cows.

“We have been milking up here for 150 years so the milk business is still the most important thing for us.

“The festival is fun but the farm is our bread and butter.

“We hope these pegs are the answer. The cows can literally eat the things.”

If Your Significant Other Loves Springsteen

Don’t try to ban it from your house.

Karen Lee Cooper told arresting police: “I couldn’t even play Bruce Springsteen on my stereo – can you believe that? Can you believe that?”

She later again told police: “I mean, who doesn’t like Bruce Springsteen?”

“I’m 49 years old and I want to play my own music.”

In the Supreme Courty in Brisbane today, Cooper, 50, was jailed for eight years.

She pleaded guilty to the manslaughter of Kevin Lee Watson on July 8, 2006.