Do You Know What Happened In Israel Yesterday?

You should. And these folks hit the nail on the head with the implications.

If You Love Going To Waffle House

Watch out for brawls and THE TASER.

And then, shortly before 3 a.m., a fight involving 10 to 15 people broke out inside the restaurant.

The policeman called for assistance as the fight spilled into the parking lot.

Eventually, with the help of half a dozen additional township police officers, Lancaster City police and its K-9 team, and the use of a Taser gun, the fight was subdued.

If You Drive A Russian Tank

Don’t stop for vodka.

Footage from a mobile phone camera showed the tank hitting a corner of the house and a laughing, and apparently drunk, driver awkwardly trying to clamber aboard with two bottles of vodka.

“Get him out of the tank,” screamed a woman in the village in the Urals.

The army promised Friday to pay compensation and said the tank must have been broken and fallen behind a column heading to a test site for exercises. Earlier it said the vehicle slid on melting ice.

If You Are An Animal Hoarder

Just don’t, ok?

An officer who was 100 feet from the house said he smelled a very strong odor of cat urine coming from the home, and Brandli said that was because the cat had urinated on him, the affidavit stated.

Lake County Animal Control officers arrived, and Brandli said 30 to 40 cats were in a house next door, 42319 Pine Valley Drive. The houses are side by side and fenced off as one property, officials said.

Authorities entered the second home and found it in deplorable condition, covered in fecal matter and urine with trash stacked to the ceiling, the affidavit said.

Twenty-eight cats, all covered with ticks and fleas and many suffering from infections or growths, were removed from the home, according to the affidavit. One of the cats had lost its hair due to neglect, the affidavit said.

Talk About Civic Duty!

This entire town forgot to vote.

Thus, as of 7 p.m. Tuesday, no one had turned in their paperwork to fill Dendron’s six open council seats, or even the mayor’s chair.

Longtime Mayor Ben Muncy, known for being so devoted to his little town that he would personally collect utility bills and fix water connections, is in the hospital with cancer. His wife passed away the day before the deadline.

The current council members plan to run write-in campaigns for their seats, Sheffield said. Shouldn’t be too hard. After all, everyone in Dendron already knows who they are. And who’s going to run against them?

“Anybody can run that wants to,” Sheffield said. “But it’s not like we have a whole lot of citizens.”

At the local market, the owner jokes that he’s going to run for mayor this year. His customers tap out their cigarettes, chat outside and occasionally discuss Dendron politics, if someone’s willing to listen.

If You Are A Traitor Who Sides With Terrorists

Your day will eventually come.

If You Want To Sing “Danny Boy” On St. Patrick’s Day

Stay away from this pub.

The 38-year-old, who started bartending when he was 12 at his father’s pub in County Cavan, promises a guest free Guinness if he or she sings any other traditional Irish song at the pub’s March 11 pre-St. Patrick’s Day karaoke party.

On other nights, guests will be rewarded with a surprise.

Not everyone agrees.

Foley’s is going head to head with a pub near Detroit — AJ’s Cafe in Ferndale, Mich. — which is staging a “Danny Boy” marathon on St. Patrick’s Day weekend, offering 1,000 renditions of the song over 50 hours.

Here is the best version ever.

Thanks to Dolla Bill

If You See A German Monk In A Pr0n Store

Make sure he pays for his videos.

Officials told journalists that the monk was frequently in Würzburg to visit the Oberzell monastery. In mid-December one of the sex shop workers caught him shoplifting and he fled the store, tossing his haul, three homoerotic DVDs, in a nearby dust bin. He was stopped by police shortly thereafter.

When police searched his room at the Maria Laach monastery in the German state of Rheinland-Palatinate they found hundreds of DVDs, 40 of which had been stolen from the Würzburg sex shop.

Looks As Though The “Gold Man” Is In Hot Water

He was busted in Key West for trying to sell crack.

Some Guy With The LA Lakers Tried To Get Into A Nightclub