If You Are Trying To Beat A Public Flasher Rap

Don’t try to use this guy’s excuse.

Carney, of Fleetham Grove, will be sentenced for the flashing and sex assaults next year.

During the three-day trial the defendant told the court: “It causes embarrassment to myself, even to the point where it is with my wife. I wouldn’t want myself to be seen in public like that.

“My genitalia are underdeveloped and it is so much smaller than average.”

He showed the jury photographs taken by his wife to prove his claims.

If You Have To Call The Police For Help

Don’t insult them.

“Get in here and do your…jobs you dumb…,” Donald B. Reidnauer Sr., 56, told the officers when they showed up at his house at 66 Stonegate Road about 9:20 a.m., according to papers filed at district court in Perkasie. “I pay taxes. I am your boss. Get in here and do your jobs or I’ll have to kick your….”

Reidnauer then lunged at and hit officer Ray Aleman in the chest and arms, the complaint says. He tried to hit officer Mattew Lawhead as well, police allege. While the officers tried to restrain Reidnauer, he fell on Lawhead, injuring his wrist.

If You Have A Dispute With A Neighbor

You can’t top what these folks are doing.

“Personally, as long as he has his camera, this one and another one, pointing in our direction, he should be grateful all he is looking at is a toilet seat,” Hendricks said after posting the sign.

Brevard County code enforcement recently ruled that the toilet seat sign was protected free speech.

Gary Penna, a code enforcement specialist, said the county’s ordinances pertain to commercial signs and that county officials have very little control over non-commercial signs people place on their property.

Now, Flemings told Local 6 News partner Florida Today that his neighbor has upped the ante by posting a large sign featuring a plastic buttocks.

The buttocks sign also reads “Thinking of you.”

If You Find A Naked Woman Sleeping In Your Apartment

Hell, I have no idea what to suggest.

The naked woman, Jacquelyn M. Pearson, 25, told police she did not remember entering the apartment and that her last memory was that of getting ready for work, according to a police report. Her boyfriend told police Pearson dropped him off at work, said she felt ill and needed to head home.

Pearson told police she was not intoxicated, injured or using any type of drug, and that she had no legitimate reason for being in the apartment – but could not explain how she ended up there, the report stated.

If You Have Ever Wanted To Claim That Patronizing A Prostitute Was A “Cahritable Donation”

Go down to Chile.

“I’ve already auctioned off the 27 hours of love,” Maria Carolina told Reuters on Wednesday, saying she had raised about $4,000. “One of my clients already paid. It seemed like a good deed to him.”

Adult prostitution is legal in Chile. Chile’s two-day Teleton fundraiser is endorsed by television stars and aims to raise funds for poor, disabled children.

If You Want To See A Drunk Moose Tangled in Christmas Lights

Then Alaska is the place to be!

“He just has this goofy look on his face,” said Rick Sinnott, a Fish and Game biologist who came to check on him and guessed he’d probably eaten too many crab apples from an old tree in Bernie’s yard.

“He’s either drunk or in gastric distress.”

If You Hate Jury Duty

Who actually enjoys it? But, the Tennessee Judicial Council has an idea on how to increase the jury pool. What is it, you ask?

Letting drunks on the jury!

A provision allowing an exemption for alcoholics or anyone who “is drunk, or has been drunk during the term of the court then sitting” also is up for elimination.

This should end well.

If You Like Stories Of Gun Toting Grandmas

Then this one will make you happy.

The grandmother was eating lunch with one of her grandchildren when she saw a woman in her yard, Lt. Aaron Richardson of the Jasper County Sheriff’s Office said. She got her gun and waited while the teenager broke through her door.

If You Enjoy Reading Harry Potter Books

That’s fine. Those books aren’t my thing, but it takes all kinds. My problem lies with clowns trying to reenact games from the book. Especially when they do it poorly.

And maybe I’m clueless, but I always thought Vassar was women only.

Another Reason To Hate The Patriots

Their fans booed a Victoria’s Secret Model.
And how do the Pats react to the story?

“It must have been the Philadelphia fans. They’ve been known to boo Santa.”