If You Are Fat

Don’t go to New Zealand

If You Are A Judge Who Handles DUI Cases

It’s probably not a good idea to get arrested for a DUI.

And when the cop arrested him, what did he say?

apparently tried to use his position as a jurist — telling his arresting officer, “I’m a judge, bro” — while handing him a blue state judiciary identification card, a police report stated.

Who Is This Amy Winehouse Character?

And what is she doing?

Look, I have no clue who she is. But I get the feeling she’s doing something she shouldn’t.

Oh, and her music sucks as well.

If You Plan On Using THE TASER On The School Janitor

Don’t be shocked if you get reassigned.

Remember That Hot Lady Booted From A Southwest Airlines Flight For…Well, Being Hot?

Well, in a move that was as predictable as the outcome of a match between Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, she’s posing for a skin rag.

But we read those for the interviews.

Thanks to Dolla Bill

If You Go To A Hospital In Tanzania

Wait! Stop right there! Tanzania has a hospital?

Anyway. If you do go for knee surgery, at least make sure they operate on your knee and not your brain.

Surgeons at the country’s main Muhimbili hospital opened the skull of Emmanuel Didas to remove a non-existent brain tumour, while Emmanuel Mgaya, who had the tumour, was given knee surgery.

But all is well.

“We are all saddened by the incident and I would like to say sorry to the victims on behalf of the government,” Mwakyusa told parliament.

Well, that does it!

If You Want To Rob A Store

A stapler seems to work

If You Are Looking For A Cure To Your Marital Problems

Avoid sorcerers from Cyprus.
That is, unless you enjoy having an egg cracked in your underpants.

I’m Beat

I’ve had it. I’m tired and fed up. So, here is a monkey riding a border collie:

The Mizzou-Kansas Rivalry Is Intense

And both sides are printing T-Shirts.