If You Live In Nashville And See A Wild Monkey On The Street

Call the authorities.
And here is the mugshot of the escapee:

If You Enjoy Looking At Sports Fans And Their Mullets

Then Kansas City may be the place for you to go.

If You Want To Shake Off The Extra Fat

Then SCIENCE may have the cure for you!

If You Hear A Thud On Your Car Roof

It could be a cow.

If You See Jeremy Shockey In A Bar

Don’t try to take him on.

If You Are Working A College Football Game For TV

Don’t eat anything on while on the sidelines.

If You Like To Read Online Pr0n While In Class

Then THE Ohio State University may be your type of school

Ohio Hunters Are Tough

Taking on a deer with just a knife?

If You Are A Radio DJ

Don’t work for this radio station.

The deejay’s suit cites other embarrassing tidbits about the alleged Don Juan station head, including that he had an erotic blog titled “Dr. Booty Juice” and pens risqué short stories, one of which is in the anthology “Chocolate Flava” by Zane.

“There is something erotic about just the thought of meeting some unknown person for the first time and getting so turned on that you are completely willing to risk compromising your traditional ideas of acquaintance, courtship and ethics in order to just go ahead and get taboo love,” Adams writes at the beginning of one tale, “Where Strangers Meet.”

Clarke also claims that Adams is an alcoholic with a “once a week” cocaine habit.

Americans And Torture Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Jelly

No, I’m not talking about torturing terrorists. I’m talking about fraternities in Southern Illinois.